Redhead Mommy

My first wedding....as a "photographer"

2012-02-09T16:56:00.001-05:00

Two weeks ago, a young couple we know got married. I've known the groom since he was about 8 years old. He's one of my nephew's best friends and my (sweet) nephew was his best man. The happy couple did their wedding on a tight budget, and a professional photographer just wasn't in the cards for them. I offered my very new services, telling them I'd do my best by I didn't have a descent flash.

To say the least, it was a great learning experience. I learned so much. Such as, I need to write down specific shots I want to take because when I'm there I will forget them all. To make sure my settings are correct and to zoom in on my screen to check for blur, because after I get home is much too late to realize the shots weren't in focus. And that shooting in a very high ISO, which my camera appears to do well with, is a great alternative to an external flash in dim surroundings. I also learned not to count on someone when they say they know a lot about photography unless I know them personally.

I also got a taste of the pressure of a wedding photographer. If you miss an important shot, you don't get a second chance. There is no, "oh, can we do that again?" at a wedding. You snooze, you lose.

And the editing....I took over 300 pictures, and while some of them are just not worth keeping (see my comment about checking the blur), there are many that are salvageable. I like the one above a lot. The focus is an issue, but I'm reminded that I do have visual art training (art minor) and that my eye for composition is pretty strong.

My technical skills with my camera......let's just say there is plenty of room to grow.

However, I've been approached by a friend of mine, who likes what I've posted on Facebook, about senior pictures. Hmmmm.......

The idea thrills me, to be honest. I still feel like a pretender, to be sure, and for someone to like my work so much that they would trust me with senior photos is still surprising to me. ;) And another friend asked me about pregnancy photos, and infant photos...I get giddy with excitement over the chance...heehee.

So I keep thinking about starting a small photography business...and of course what it would be called, because I love naming things. And then my mind wanders to all things photography.....

.......

Sorry, started daydreaming...heehee.

Bitten by the bug....

2012-01-26T07:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I handed over the CD of the photos-my first ever photography client now has her product. Never in my life have I felt such a combination of excitement and anxiety and passion, all at the same time. (Even when I was teaching, and I loved teaching.) This medium, digital photography, seems to be the marriage of everything I'm drawn to: people, imagery, composition, digital editing. The way I can create within this form of art feels like the perfect fit. I'm in love.

I was a bundle of nerves when I showed up at my friend's house. She had paid for professional photography before, but knew that I was interested in photography and so invited me over to take pictures. She knew I wasn't experienced, but gave me a shot. I warned her straight-away that I was green. (What if I failed miserably? What if she hated what I produced? What if I just plain embarrassed myself?)
Still trying to keep aperture and ISO settings straight in my head, glad I had kept my notes and cheat sheets handy in my nerdy notebook, I took some practice shots to make sure the exposure was good. Thankfully, we had really great light that day. Still, I was nervous. I felt like a poser, just pretending to be real photographer. (I still do!).

I was unprepared for how much time I would put into the post-editing process. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but making sure each image is the best I can make it takes time. Lamenting focus I hadn't nailed, celebrating when I did, and creating improved compositions out of average shots, I wanted to be at the computer every minute. However, children still like to eat, and dogs need to be let out, and kids are expected to be picked up from school. So instead, I'd work an hour or two at a time, here and there, often having to tear myself away from the computer at night because my eyes were too tired to be of any use to me. Even then, I regretted having to walk away.

And all the while, I'm thinking to myself, I don't ever want to stop doing this. All I want to do is improve, and to be able to give people images that they will cherish always....and maybe some more equipment for myself. ;)
I've been asked by a young bride to be to try to take some good shots at their wedding this weekend. They are on a shoe-string budget and a professional photographer didn't make the cut. I'm wishing I had a decent external flash, but praying I can still get some good images for them. Just a few they could frame and cherish.

By professional standards, the image I'm sharing here isn't my best shot-the focus is softer than I'd like, the background may be a little too busy. What I do like is the lighting, the composition, the color...but mostly the expression on his face. Love it.

Giant photography project on a shoe-string budget, and did I mention my lack of experience?

2012-01-10T18:12:00.000-05:00

In late November/early December, one of the pastors at our church approached me about heading up a new pictorial directory for our church. I had previously taken pictures for another event in October of 2010, and so he had seen my "work". For some reason, some nice photos of kids in costumes convinced him that I was the person to head up an entire pictorial directory for our church. To say the least, I think the man has a completely unrealistic view of my so-called skills, but I'd still like to do this for our church and save them some money in the long run. And so I tentatively agreed because my husband and I had "planned) (at that time) to replace the camera with our tax return, and so a pictorial directory in May would be fine. I mean, May was so far away. What I was thinking, I know not what.

And now here we are in mid-January, and it's dawning on me what I've gotten myself into. And May doesn't seem quite as far off as I'd thought. And there are thousands of things that "pro" photographers have that I cannot afford. And oodles of knowledge that they have that I do not. And what about backdrops, I don't have any. I'll need to create some sort of template for the pages, I'm not sure how, but I need to. Of course, people will want copies of the family pictures (assuming I can produce something of quality!). Clearly I must finally delve into the mystery of shooting in RAW. And a flash, no external flash here.....you see where my mind has been going and why every time I think about this project I get a knot in my gut.

So, I decide to start pecking away at my list of short-comings one at a time, in hopes I'll have something respectable put together by May. I fire up my Photoshop Elements 6, and realize that it will not read my RAW files, and there is no plug-in available to match my new camera and PSE 6. The latest PSE edition? A mere $75 (with the educational discount). Did I mention we are not rolling in it? So, I'm hoping to be able to get that by mid-February, which would exactly be when my 30-trial with PSE 10 runs out. ;) That would at least take care of the post-processing of the photos and the template issues.

Also, I've been trying to figure out what to do about my lack of an external flash...but I'm not sure yet. I did find a way to make a cheap bounce card for my internal flash (see above), created out of a smartly cut business card (thank you Pinterest!). I don't think my external flash will make a difference with the portraits, though.

Digital Photography School has been an excellent resource for DIY equipment, as well as Pinterest (although that site is like crack-cocaine! Consider yourself WARNED!). So I now know how to make a backdrop support out of PVC, what equipment I need if I ever decide to photograph infants, what to make a homemade drop cloth out of, how to make a DIY light box....and about ten million other random bits of information that has nothing to do with photography but lots to do with home decorating, Harry Potter fandom, and recipes that I can't make if I want to lose weight, anyway.....did I already warn you about Pinterest?

However, intermixed with all my nerves and Pinterest addiction, I have been praying a lot. Because at the bottom of this project, what pushes me through the wall of fear that the knot of nerves creates, is my sincere desire to give something our church body that possibly only I (and one other lady who will be taking photos also) can provide. And if this is what He wants me to do, and I'm believing more and more that it is, then I'm counting on him to provide a lot of the bells and whistles that I just don't have deep enough pockets for.

And He is providing me with resources. First and foremost, I have some very dear personal and internet friends who are both believers and fantastic photographers. They are a great source of information, and sometimes, physical resources as well! I had been starting to look into ways to create a DIY backdrop, but a good friend told me I can borrow the two new backdrops her business will be buying (thanks Wendi!) when I take the photos for the directory.

The lighting issue still concerns me. Lighting is key. I'm going to be looking into ways to build my own light sources. I don't need them to look pretty, just be effective. And, I need to figure out how to get the pictures into the template I have built! Bah! PSE won the battle last night. But I have time, and prayer. And more prayer.

2012-01-09T20:53:00.000-05:00

Let me preface this story by saying that we are not wealthy. We are a family of five on a teacher's salary in Michigan. We have what we need, but we're not rolling in it. There isn't a lot of room for extras, hence, when we were robbed last May, and my Canon Rebel Xti and Canon flash and Lowepro case were all part of the collateral damage, and our deductible being a good chunk of change, the Rebel did not get replaced. And while I know that a fancy-schmancey camera is not a necessity by any stretch of the imagination, it has been my one form of creative expression since being a stay at home mom, and I'd only had it about two years.

To say I missed my former camera is an understatement. I stopped reading about photography, I stopped looking at photography resources because every time I did any of those things, I got punched in the heart with sorrow and grief and anger. I didn't feel that it was good for me to keep experiencing this, since I didn't really know when we'd be able to replace it, so I stopped altogether. I explained it to my choir-director husband this way: it was as if he was told that the only way he could create music for the rest of his life was with a recorder (you know, those horrible precursors to clarinets that they use in elementary school to teach music?). My point and shoot just wasn't what it needed to be for what I wanted to do.

That all being said, one can imagine my joy at Christmas to open not only a new Canon T2i (a better model!) and kit lens, but also a 18-250mm lens and a nice camera case as well. (Sam's Club had a killer deal going!) And my husband had worked it out with himself, my dad and in-laws as a big joint gift, and planned it out so that I only got the camera and kit lens first (we have THREE Christmas stops for our family!), and then had to wait a couple days before I realized he had actually bought me the package deal. He wanted to get the full amount of pleasure from surprising me...evil man. ;)

While I am a very passionate person, I detest crying in front of people. However, just writing about this amazing Christmas gift makes me tear up. You'll just have to take my word for it, because there will be no demonstration!

And so, since we have returned home from holiday travels, I have immersed myself in all things photographically related. Mostly because I have some catching up to do, but also because of a huge project I have taken on for this spring (more on that later). Don't worry, the kids are still getting fed regularly....most days. ;)

Fall Fun

2011-10-11T19:24:00.000-04:00

After school today, we took the kids to a park near their school to play on the train-made-playground-equipment. It was a big hit and really made me miss my SLR camera even more than I already do. My new point and shoot is a decent little camera, but I miss the depth of color the most, along with the crystal clear shots. At any rate, I really liked the train as a back drop, and thought it would make a great location for a senior picture shoot.

Adding to the lovely fall day, all three the kids played happily together exploring the engine (Simon with some supervised help from Daddy!) There were some big drops, but it was really cool to watch them explore.

Lydia, being the social butterfly she is, found two teenagers and started talking with them....leading to a later discussion about not talking to people she doesn't know, because not everyone is nice.

Isaac was most in his element, with all the places he could climb high and possibly destroy himself. He did fine though, and is pretty sure-footed. He definitely enjoyed having a new and exciting place to explore.

Simon was, by far, the biggest risk in taking them there. There were 6-8 ft drops off the side, and lots of ladders to climb. Luckily, he inherited the sense-of-danger gene that skipped Isaac, so we didn't need to worry about him being reckless! He very much enjoyed exploring underneath the locomotive.

And, as the icing on the cake, I got a nice fall shot of the three of them, they all looked at the camera and their smiles were acceptable! I just wish we had more fall color around here this year...poor trees don't know if summer is coming or going! From the look of the trees in the background, you wouldn't know it's October!

Just Because

2011-10-04T21:06:00.000-04:00

Today I was struck with the thought that time is a passing me by, and it won't be long before these wonderful little people are all grown up.

God's BEST

2011-10-03T20:36:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure about anyone else, but my brain tends to be a bit like a rottweiler at times. It clamps down on something, and it doesn't let go until it's good and ready. Recently, the topic locked into my mind is this: in trying to make a fresh start and a new beginning, is it wise to begin with a choice that poses an immediate hurdle to overcome? Especially, a hurdle that doesn't necessarily need to be there when there are other obstacles and issues that really must be dealt with in order to proceed in the way needed. It is a hurdle that has huge potential to be a spiritual stumbling block for many people.

I know, I know, I'm speaking in code. There is a reason. The issue at hand is sensitive, and deals with a great number of people whom I don't want to hurt or offend in talking openly about this. However, one of the reasons I haven't been good about writing is that I always want to write about things that impact other people. So, this is my happy medium.

I think it is a natural tendency of humans to seek out what is known and what is comfortable when we are feeling down and out. I get that. We tend to get nostalgic, thinking back to good times. We want to go back there and feel that assurance. We may even gloss over real concerns and problems from a past situation, only remembering the good.

When trying to move beyond past hurts and disappointments, is it the best for us to go back? In some ways, yes, it's necessary to revisit past wounds, to reconcile differences, to forgive and move on. It's absolutely essential to do that if you want to proceed in a healthy way. However, in the process of doing these things, is it obligatory to then put yourself in a similar situation to what caused the original wound? Is that really required in order to forgive? Is that what is good for us? Is that God's BEST for us?

Personally, I'm praying for God's BEST for us, not what is good enough, or comfortable, or familiar, or what gives us a warm-fuzzy feeling. I deeply believe that adding a needless hurdle to the healing process isn't wise. I also feel that not giving people an invitation to speak openly, and without judgement, is begging for trouble later on. Sitting back and waiting for someone to come to you will only yield a partial truth at best, especially, when many of those people who are still hurting are also fearful of speaking out.

If we want God's BEST for us, if we want healing, if we want to be able to move forward in health, then we MUST consider the consequences of alienating people who are already wounded. We cannot push through ideas just because they are what we would like the most. Dale Carnegie is quoted as saying, "Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still."

Reconciliation, forgiveness, grace-all good and necessary things. However, if we have never dealt with root issues, if we have no vision of the direction we want to go, or a purpose for doing it, setting ourselves back into a past situation in the name of forgiveness will not solve problems. It will, on the other hand, set the stage for going in the exact same direction we went formerly.

Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do is to realize that we we need help. At times, it is a good and healthy thing to seek an outside, neutral, objective viewpoint and direction to find God's BEST. Something that's been broken for so long does not spontaneously fix itself.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize...Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. (emphasis mine)
1 Corinthians 9:24,26

Sick Day

2011-09-26T11:18:00.001-04:00

Saturday we noticed Isaac's eye looking a little pinkish and...yucky. I hoped it was allergies or something other than the dreaded pink eye, since he said it hurt, but didn't itch. It kept getting worse, but as it was a weekend, there wasn't much we could do. By last night, I knew what we had on our hands because Simon was also showing symptoms. This morning, Lydia still appeared untouched by the contagion, but when asked, she said her eye felt weird.....greeeaaattt.

I suppose if I'm going to be trapped in the house with three "sick" kids, pink eye is the way to go. They aren't vomiting, nauseated, feverish, achy, whiney, ornery etc. (Okay, Simon is a little ornery, but that seems to be his norm.) They have normal appetites and the only thing I need to worry about is not touching my own eyes, and washing my hands a lot.

Well, there is one more thing. Tomorrow is picture day, and Isaac looks like he went on an all-night bender and hasn't slept for three days. I'm pretty sure one day on eye drops isn't going to be enough time to undo this in time for pictures, maybe the right one, which only started looking pink today, but the left has been a couple days.

Lydia's not showing signs yet, but she's been saying her right eye feels "bumpy" and now "itchy". I called in for a script for her too. I'm just getting out ahead of the inevitable.

For Simon it's mostly his left eye, but the way he's got his hands all over his face, I'm thinking the right isn't far behind.

Sparkley Purple Zebra

2011-09-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

My dear, sweet girl. The one with questions bigger than she is. Thoughtful and sparkly and colorful and smart. She shies away from direct attention, but loves being silly and creative. She loves all things colorful and sparkly and wants to grow up to be a mermaid princess. However, her favorite thing to collect is rocks, even if they seem common and mundane to the rest of us-she sees something beautiful and interesting. She is every bit as girly as I was a tomboy, proving that God does have a sense of humor.

When I was looking up how to spell "sparkly" online, I ran across this entry in the Urban Dictionary:

Sparkley Purple Zebra

A sparkley purple zebra is a nickname used to describe a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, awesome and who can always make your day. Sparkley purple zebras can be very hard to come by and should be cherished and loved.

Yep, misspelling and all, that is Lydia, she is my sparkley purple zebra. And today, my sparkley purple zebra is FIVE YEARS OLD!!

Perspective

2011-09-20T14:01:00.001-04:00

I think most of us have done it from time to time: read so close to the page that you can't see what's happening around you, got caught up in a game and didn't hear your spouse calling your name. When I taught art, I had to constantly remind my students to step back from their work and look at the larger composition. When we can't see details in relation to the bigger picture, those details get warped and are not drawn correctly in relation to everything else. So taken with what we are focused on, we don't see how out of proportion we've made it. We fail to see our lives in perspective , because we are focused too closely on them.

And then something comes along and smacks you on the head, usually metaphorically. Sometimes it's just a good solid punch to the heart. Suddenly, you are ashamed at how silly you've been, worrying about things God has already proven He will take care of, focusing on things that might be interesting, or troubling, but in the grand scheme of things, quite possibly aren't as important as we once thought. You are forced to take a step back, and reevaluate your worries and your reactions to them.

Has that ever happened to you? It happened to me.

A good friend of mine texted me last Friday morning, asking for prayers because she was taking her kids to the ER. Her seven-year-old daughter had a fever of 103 and her son had been complaining of head and neck pain. The boy they were concerned about because he as a shunt in his head, common to kids with spina bifida.

By mid-morning, I'd heard nothing, so I texted her back to ask her how the kiddos were doing. She called me immediately, explaining that while her son was fine, they were taking her daughter, Lily, to U of M childrens' hospital because her blood work had come back abnormal.

By evening they were waiting to find out what kind of leukemia she had.

There's that punch to the heart.

The most amazing thing? What I'll never forget as long as I live? My friend Dala, telling me on the phone two days later, "I can see God everywhere around us." She spoke of people coming together to take care of them and provide for their needs, her fellow teachers volunteering their sick days for her, the sense of peace she felt as proof of the prayers being said, and the way prayers were answered. Her faith is rock solid.

This family had already been through more trials than most people deal with in their lifetime. And then Lily's diagnosis. Yet, the peace they have, the knowledge that God will carry them through this, just as he has in the past. It is beyond words.

Have they cried? Yes. I talked with Dala while she was following the ambulance to U of M. Normal for them was being severely redefined, again.

Do they wish they could change things? Absolutely.

But in the thick of it, " I can see God everywhere around us."

That, is perspective.

I feel like God is poking me on the head....hard.

2011-09-13T18:17:00.001-04:00

Well, in the time span of 24 short hours, the class I needed to take this semester in order to get re-certified to teach has been paid for. I am able to RENT my text books for half the price of buying them. And we have received an unexpected sum of cash from two different places that will help alleviate that costs of driving to Mt. Pleasant to take said class. In addition, an old friend from CMU has offered to let me crash at her house overnight, so I don't have to pay for a hotel. Also, the pay cuts were not nearly as bad as they could have been, and while we are still looking at a respectable shortage of income, it's not devastating as it could have been.

I'm still not keen on going back to work full time just yet. But I'm going to follow what I believe is God's leading here. If he keeps opening doors, I'll keep walking through.

Getting poked in the head hurts. Ouch. ;)

What I hate talking about, but still need to.

2011-09-12T10:51:00.000-04:00

I struggle with keeping an optimistic outlook when life gets difficult. I marvel at people who can lean so heavily on their faith and trust in God without worry. Truth is, sometimes I'm deeply afraid of what God might allow to happen in my life. I worry that I won't make it through. Lately, my general outlook on life is pretty crummy. I'm so angry that I feel I could snap if someone brings up how good teachers have it right now.

It is not a good time to be a teacher. Or to be living on a teacher's salary. For some reason, teachers have come under fire from popular media, law makers, and the culture in general. We are painted as greedy, lazy, and overpaid. Let me tell you, no one who goes into teaching is greedy for money. Are there lazy teachers? Yes. There are lazy workers every where and in every profession. It just happens this way. Most of the teachers I know are hard-workers, who want to be good at what they do, and impact kids for the positive. On top of being vilified, which is difficult enough to take, teachers are looking at massive cuts in pay and much higher insurance prices to be paid out of pocket. I know that many people pay out of pocket for their insurance. My belief, though, is that if you want the best and the brightest to become teachers, they need to be able to pay back their loans and support their families with their income.

In Michigan, tenure and seniority have basically been removed. Teachers can be fired for pretty much anything. There is no job security. On top of it, in our district, there is a noticeable level of tension between teachers and administrators lately.

People blame unions for the problems in education, but if there are no unions then districts will be able to hire the lowest bidder. I certainly don't want the lowest bidder teaching my kids, who would?

In Michigan right now, due to choices made by our governor and state legislature, state workers have to pay 20% into their own insurance (my husband's district forced 25%, with a $600 deductible), there was a surplus in the Education Fund, and yet they slashed funding to schools. We find out tonight how much of a pay cut our teachers are receiving (2-5%). In our household, we are looking at near $1000 less a month in spendable income. For a five person family on one income, this is devastating.

And so, I am angry. I am worried. I am sad and frustrated and feeling pretty helpless. I'm looking at going back to work full time, about three years before we had planned. My youngest will have to be in child care instead of spending time at home with me. I feel like he's getting cheated. I hate feeling guilty, and at the same time not being able to talk about any of it because most people still think teachers have it pretty good.

My heart is raw right now, and I feel my faith in God is next to nothing. I know this isn't what Christians are supposed to say. But I'm not going to fake it and say something I'm not feeling. I'm sure there is a purpose to this, I believe God is in control. I just wish I had peace about it, that God will provide, that it will all work out for the good of those who love Him. I know the Bible promises these things. I wish my heart knew them as well.

2011-09-08T17:23:00.003-04:00

I'm back.

I miss writing.

The last year or so has been very difficult for me. Most of dealing with my mom's death has been an internal process, I'm not outward about things so close to the heart. On top of that, an extraordinarily rough spring coincided with the anniversary of my mother's death. And then a ridiculously busy summer.

But I'm back.

I miss writing.

2010: Sometines it's hard, but still, "Life is good".

2010-12-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

I sat here for a few moments, trying to think of a word that describes the last year for me. I couldn't come up with anything, other than I'm glad it's over. I feel as if I've lived a life time in the past year. From finding out about my mom's cancer at the start of the year, to the numerous treks back and forth across the state during her illness, and her subsequent passing and funeral, plus the added complication of me severely breaking my foot, needing surgery and Terry shopping for another vehicle for us (and yes, it was ALL at the same time!) It's been difficult, to say the least.
Although this year has been marked by both pain, suffering, and loss, I would be remiss if I didn't in some small way celebrate the fact that Terry and I have been married for ten years now, we are happy, and are looking forward to many, many more. That's something these days, and I'm proud of us. Our anniversary this year fell between the time that my foot was broken, my mom passed away, and her funeral. Obviously not much celebrating can be done when you are in a wheelchair at a funeral home, but we took the time to share a few moments, nonetheless. We've had our high times and our low times, grown stronger with them. I definitely couldn't have made it through this past year without Terry. He is....amazing. While I dealt with physical and emotional pain and loss, he got the double experience of being a "single" parent plus taking care of an invalid. He handled it a hundred times better than I could, I know that much.

Obviously, my mom's passing has left a hole. I miss her, much more intensely some days than others, but always. However, I have noticed some positive things happening that probably wouldn't have otherwise. Our family seems closer, more affectionate with each other. It's hard to put a finger on what specifically is different, but it's better. We seem to be reaching out towards each other more. My dad has been amazingly honest with me about how he's doing, which I'm thankful for. When other people could easily withdraw, he has purposefully looked for ways to get out and DO things. I'm proud of him, although he'd probably not think he's doing anything special-that's how he is.

The broken foot.....well. I am a firm believer that God has a plan for my life, and that everything happens within His plan. I hope to one day know what the point of me severely breaking my foot and needing/having surgery while at the same time dealing with the loss of my mom was. I'd really like to know that one, really. Rehabilitation was a pretty good distraction from the grief....but not THAT good a distraction! Certainly a good book would have been just as effective an much less painful. ;)

And around and through it all, there is my mom. Christmas was better than I expected. We stuck together, we enjoyed our time with one another, which is what my mom would have wanted, I think. My kids talk about her pretty often, especially Isaac and Lydia. It's hard to talk with them sometimes, but I'm glad they do, and I want them to continue.

This last picture is the favorite of us kids. It's from her camera phone, she was trying to figure out how it worked, and never knew she'd taken a couple pictures of herself. One day when I was cleaning out her phone for her, I discovered it, and sent it to myself, of course! I then sent it to my sister, my brother, my husband, my nephew. We all used it for her photo in our contacts. It came up every time she called. It was a perfect example of her relationship with technology. She never knew about it. It's still makes us laugh, even when we are missing her.

I have new hopes for 2011. I have goals to accomplish, both personal and professional. The wound is still too tender, though, for me to be excited. I'm happy, though, and that's something. I'm still in love with my husband, I value the people in my life, and love them. Life is good.

A Christmas Tradition

2010-12-21T09:23:00.001-05:00

My family did our Christmas this morning, aS we will be else where on Christmas. And as my kids began to tear into their gifts, I had a moment of panic that we had not put out all the gifts. I prepared myself to go down to the basement to find whatever might be missing...and then I smiled to myself, and thought of my mom.

Mom was notorious for forgetting to put out a couple gifts. During gift opening, she'd inevitably be mumbling to herself,"Now WHERE are those jeans I got for __________?" Later in the day, maybe the day after Christmas, she'd find it and hand it over to whoever had unknowingly been "shorted". I always wondered how in the world she could misplace the gifts so often. However, after a couple years of buying gifts for three children, I just want to tell her, "I finally understand, Mom, I finally understand."

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Lydia Turns Four

2010-09-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

The First Days of School

2010-09-16T15:17:00.001-04:00

Last week, all over Michigan, children went back to school. Isaac started kindergarten the first Tuesday after Labor Day; Lydia started three-day-a-week preschool that following Friday. Simon was disappointed that he wasn't going to school, too. I suppose that's motivation for potty-training this year! (I'm both excited and dreading that whole thing, but that's another blog post!)

I think I missed my mom more last week than I have since she first died. I'm not sure why exactly. I think because I would have called her and talked about the kids' reactions and thoughts, how there were doing (Isaac has had a WONDERFUL start to school, the first in three years!). She would have looked at the pictures online and talked about how cute they looked. I would have told her how my friend Annie had to carry Simon up the stairs and out of the building when we dropped Lydia off because he wanted to be in school too and I couldn't carry him up the stairs with my healing foot. She would have sympathized with him.

Along with the beginning of school have come a few other activities that effect our family schedule...complicate it actually. Today we took Isaac to the Henry Ford Autism Center for a full evaluation. An hour drive down, FOUR HOURS in a small room while we saw each specialist, and another hour drive home made for a long and grueling day. Isaac did quite well, considering. We go back in two weeks for a follow-up appointment that was promised to be much shorter in time. Tomorrow, Isaac begins swimming lessons and Lydia begins ballet. At least they are roughly at the same time and so we can kill two lessons in one time slot. And then there are Wednesday night activities at church, Tuesday nights Terry has rehersals with a local community choir, and on top of all of this is my Physical Therapy for my foot two 2-3 times a week for several hours each time, plus several Pampered Chef shows a month. This fall is our busiest ever. I can't imagine what it will be like when Simon is in the lesson rotation as well!

Dreams

2010-08-03T11:48:00.001-04:00

Three mornings ago I had a dream, the last one before I woke up. I dreamt that my dad surprised me by finding the camper we had used when I was a child,only it had been rebuilt, and gave it to my husband and I as a gift. I was delighted in my dream to see a place where I spent so much time as a child and the "changes" in it. In my dream we were on the camping trip that we are (in real life) going on next week. We go every summer, but my dad is joining us for the first time this year.

As he was showing us the changes, I turned around to look and.....there was my Mom. She was as I remember her from my childhood, clear as day. She was just as excited as I was, laughing, and wanted to talk with me. I started to talk to her in my dream, but everyone looked at me strangely-I didn't realize only I could see her. I wanted to talk with her more-she was so happy and energetic. When I realized no one else could see her, it made me cry-not the dream me, but the real me. I think that's when I woke up, because in my dream I had intended to come back and talk to her more, when no one else was around, but I woke up instead.

Since then, I've felt sort of like I've lost her all over again. Then, the day after the dream, both Isaac and Lydia asked when we'd see Grammy again, they missed her. Usually I can field questions like that without losing my composure, but not so much that day. I held it together long enough to talk with them, but that was about it for me. It was so unsettling to have them ask questions about her when they haven't said much about her for a while, especially when I'd just dreamed about her, which was odd for me all by itself. It's taken a few days for the sadness to wear off.

I've heard of other people dreaming about loved ones who've died. I've never been one to dream about people I know, though. I rarely see actual faces in my dreams, and even more rarely are they people from my life. The other crazy part was that it was so clear and real. Despite the renewed sorrow the dream brought, it was really cool to see my mom at her best: her most energetic and full of life. I think that must be how she is in heaven.


Me and Mom at my Confirmation in 8th grade. This is the age she was in my dream (I could tell from the hair style! haha)

NOTE: I asked Isaac and Lydia if they've dreamt of Grammie. Isaac nodded, and when I asked him what she was doing in the dream, he said she was dancing with him. Yeah, my mom would have done that.

My own little room

2010-07-20T16:49:00.001-04:00

Last week I started writing thank you notes for the flowers and monetary donations that were made in my mom's honor. When I finally sat down to get to work, I was struck by total and complete writer's block. What did I say when I didn't know what kind of plant/flowers had been sent? How did I even start the inscription? I was at a total loss. So, to jog my brain, I called and talked to a very good friend, who's wife had buried her mother seven summers ago. In talking about thank you's and cards and grieving, he told me about how as the sympathy cards rolled in, they would often get caught sitting in the car out by the mail box crying their eyes out as they read through the cards that had come that day.

For me, it isn't the obvious things that trigger the sorrow. We've been getting a pretty steady flow of sympathy cards which is good because it lets us know other people are missing her too, or understand our loss. The cards however, don't make me want to cry. I think since I'm prepared for them, I can brace myself and read through them. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a heartless jerk because I rarely will start crying at an obvious trigger like that. It seems that I've been able to tuck my grief away in a little room of sorts, with the door firmly shut. Although if I open that door, even a little bit, whether by talking about her, or reading my last post, or writing about her....then it comes pushing out. (For you Friends fans, it's like Monica's special closet where she keeps her secret mess.) I'm okay with that, I know it's there, I know that it will sneak out on occasion unwarranted. For the most part though, this is the only way I know how to deal with deep hurt.

Anyone who wants to psycho-analyze me can think what you will, but I prefer it this way. My grief and sorrow are private things to me, and I prefer to lick my wounds in private. I especially don't like crying in front of others. With my complexion, you can tell I've cried HOURS after the event. I don't mind people asking me how I am, I don't mind words of encouragement in their many forms....I just like being able to confront the void in my own way, whenever possible.

I'm not sure I'd be able to do it had mom's death been a shock. I"m guessing not nearly as well. I suppose I started preparing my little room six months ago.

It's the unexpected things that are the hardest to deal with

2010-07-17T21:41:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, as I was floating through that foggy place between sleep and wake, I was surprised by the realization that Mom no longer exists in this world. I came out of sleep wanting to cry my eyes out. The thing about unexpected occurrences is that you can't plan for them. They catch you off-guard, when you are least expecting it. My dad was blindsided by finding one of my mom's hairs caught in the checkbook. These little remnants of her are still lingering in this world that she has already left. They are the hardest part to deal with, because they catch you unawares, when you think you've gotten the emotional part under control. And, while we can take comfort that she is in a better place, with no more pain or disease, with her Creator, as we are meant to be.....it still doesn't change the simple fact that we miss her, all of us in our own way, for our own reasons. We miss her a lot.

Me making sense of the jumble that is the last six months...

2010-07-01T20:50:00.001-04:00

The last five months have been the most emotionally draining time of my life, I think. In February, my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer. They had found it before Christmas, but she and my dad had chosen not to tell us until after Christmas when the biopsy results came in. She had a sizable mass in her lung, too close to a vein to be operated on, some small spots on her liver and kidney, and another very problematic mass around her L-4 vertebrae. In the course of three months, she did three rounds of chemo and a two-week-long round of radiation. The chemo was shrinking the cancer, but it changed her significantly.

In early May, my dad took her to the ER for abdominal pain. For a day she was in a temporary bed because three different hospitals couldn't find space for her. At one point, they thought she'd have to be admitted in Lansing, a 45-minute drive away from their home. Finally, she was admitted at their local hospital. It took them four days to x-ray her abdomin, five days for them to discover she had a blockage in her intestine, a week to do surgery to remove the blockage-a kink and collapse of a five inch area in her intestine, two weeks and a day for her to get home again.

Through May, April, and the beginning of June, I made the the 2.5 hour trip home five or six times times, twice by myself. My family and I got to watch as our mother, wife, grandma, mother-in-law wasted away before our eyes. There was nothing to be done for it aside from continuing the chemo therapy, which her determined she was too weak to continue. The chemo isn't a cure for the cancer it merely kills the the cancer a little faster than it kills the person.

On June 15th, my dad was able to have her admitted to a Hospice Care Home. This was a huge burden lifted from my dad, who was her primary care-giver. Mom had not been able to regain her strength after returning home from the hospital after her intestinal surgery. A week previous to admission into the hospice home, Mom had started hallucinating. She talked to her parents, both long since passed, and me as an eight-year -old child. On one occasion, she voiced her concern that we weren't really a family, that we weren't okay, because we hadn't been together for Labor Day weekend (although Memorial Day had just passed). I got the feeling that she was reliving old troubles from when I was a teenager. I assured her we were all okay, but it was a difficult conversation, nonetheless.

We all thought the cancer had moved to her brain, but after a clean MRI, nurses concluded that she'd probably had a small stroke. Dad couldn't leave her in a room by herself, because she kept trying to get out of bed, but was too weak to walk by herself. My sister and brother and I were all worried about the toll it was taking on my dad's health; we were relieved when he didn't have to worry about her non-stop anymore, and that he was happy with the hospice home where mom had been admitted.

We had taken the kids to see her in early June, but wanted to make another trip without the kids, so we made plans to stay in a nearby town with Terry's dad and step-mom the weekend after she was admitted into hospice. That Friday morning I fell going down some stairs at our church while holding Simon, and in my effort to avoid falling down the stairs on top of Simon, threw myself backwards. In doing that, I managed to break both my tibia and fibula and needed surgery, complete with screws and plates, to correct the breaks. We went to see my mom anyway, since the surgery wasn't for another five days.

At that point, the nurses were thinking mom had around another month to live. She was down to 80lbs, and losing weight each day. The Monday, June 21st, the morning after we got back, Dad called to tell me that Mom's body was showing signs of shutting down, and that he was told she had about a week. Two hours later he called to say the process was happening faster rather than slower and the nurses had only given her a few days. By 3:15pm, Mom had passed, with Dad sitting beside her, holding her hand. She was resting and at peace, and finally in pain no more.

Surgery on my foot had to be postponed of course, while we made plans to turn around and head back to my dad's house. My sister and brother went with my dad to make arrangements on Tuesday, while Terry and I with the kids made the trek back across the state. Visitations were Thursday and funeral and burial were Friday-both spent in a wheelchair for me. A good friend of Terry and mine, our pastor when we had lived in the area, did the service for my mom: she had requested him. Pastor Leo did a fantastic job of combining stories of my mom's particular idiosyncrasies with a wonderful description of the hope she had in Christ and what it really means to be a Christian. We laughed and we cried-it was a good celebration of my mom's life. My husband sang two hymns- Amazing Grace and Abide With Me during the service, doing an exceptional job considering the short time he had to prepare.

We are all doing well, considering. My dad is not one to sit around and brood, so I think in the long run, he'll be better than most. My siblings and I, along with our dad, all have had time to come to terms with my mom's death. Unlike many, we don't have to work through shock along with our grief, and for that I'm thankful. I'm also thankful that in the scheme of things, my mom didn't have to suffer long. Explaining the whole situation to our kids was definitely the hardest part for me. They still have questions that surface here and there, and probably will for quite a while. My recent trip to the hospital and current residence on the recliner have brought up some.

In my effort to remember this time in our lives, along with the fond and funny memories we have of my mom, I'm going to try to write small pieces about her through out the summer. I'll be stuck in this chair for a lot of the time, so I might as well make good use of it.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Isaac-Boy update

2010-05-25T20:28:00.000-04:00

As many of you may know, over the course of the last two months we have been in the process of having Isaac evaluated for Asperger Syndrome. A few weeks ago, when we did the follow up appointment, the psychologist we were working with confirmed a diagnosis of AS and ADD for Isaac. Neither is even a little surprising to us at this point, now we just have official documentation. The struggles and challenges we face with him haven't really changed, only the direction we can look to for guidance and assistance. It's actually nice to know for sure, and to have a direction to go in, where before we felt like we were just making guesses all the time, educated ones, but guesses all the same.

We don't plan to use any medication at this point for the ADD, but are looking into removing gluten from his diet on a trial basis this summer. We had such positive and definitive results when we removed dairy, that we felt we should try this before anything else.

We're also in the process of having him re-evaluated by the Henry Ford Autism Center, as they use a team of pediatric specialists and seem to give more support to parents for how to help the child more. With our psychologist, we only got a diagnosis, but we really don't know what else is out there. We'd like to know more about how his brain works, and they do a very thorough, day-long evaluation...unfortunately,they don't have any openings until September. We're praying for an earlier cancellation.

In more recent Isaac news, his impulsiveness and lack of a sense of danger have earned him a broken foot! He decided it would be good to pull down an upright-standing 8ft 2x10 pressure-treated board, and not realizing how heavy it would be, lost control of it. It landed squarely on top of his left foot, creating a break in the largest bone in his foot. He'll be sporting the bright orange walking cast for a month. I guess it's better now than in the middle of summer!

All in all, Isaac is doing pretty well. Young 5s this year had been great for him: he's reading on his own, he's much more observant and can put those observations into words, he's learning to be a little conversational, too! We're going to try to get him into some speech therapy this summer, to help him with the pragmatics aspect of communication. Looks like another busy summer!

Boredom, Fear, and Stickiness

2010-04-26T13:23:00.001-04:00

I haven't been posting a lot lately, and I often wonder what the reason or reasons are for this. I've come up with several possibilities. It might be because, since Simon was born, I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above the parental water,often finding that when I do get some quiet time, I don't want to think about parenting anymore, but just nap, or veg in front of the TV, or read some fluff like Twilight. Then there is the truth that I am my own worst parental critic, and so I don't dare be "real" because then EVERYONE will know how often I don't handle this topsy-turvey motherhood job with grace and calm. And I can't forget my secret fear that nothing I say about my mundane life is interesting, or the annoying fact that our keyboard has suddenly stopped wanting me to use the space key, causing me to back up constantly and re-punch the stupid thing. Add to this the nagging apprehension about offending someone I know who reads this, and that in the last month, ALL THREE of our children have needed to see specialists outside their normal pediatrician, and that we are in the process of switching pediatricians if I can just get up enough gumption to actually make the switch because I hate the idea of offending people....well....you can see my issues. But not all of them, because that's kind of scary, too. Oh, yes, AND I've become a Pampered Chef consultant recently, and my only "office time" is during nap time, when I'm supposed to get everything else done. sigh.

I miss writing though, and although this completely aggravating space key is conspiring to send me over the edge, it just feels good to write again.

And so, I'm going to try to stretch myself, and battle against ALL the reasons I listed, which might make things a little sticky at first, as am aiming to be more open and honest about what's going on inside my crazy head. And, if nothing else, I can be a beacon of hope for some mom who can think, "Yeesh, at least I'm not THAT bad!" when she reads my blog.

The end.

Finally

2010-01-25T13:13:00.003-05:00

Pictures: Haitian orphans arrive in Central Florida - OrlandoSentinel.com
This is a link to a picture of our Pastor's wife, Kristi and their new daughter, Jenae. The wait is over, the stress is over, the day has arrived! They'll be arriving home tomorrow.
Posted using ShareThis

Outraged

2010-01-20T08:22:00.001-05:00

My Pastor and his wife have been trying to adopt a child from Haiti for OVER THREE YEARS. They have spent countless hours and money to achieve this goal. They have followed God's leading. They have jumped through numerous hoops that the Haitian government has put in place, no matter how ridiculous they might be (flying down in order to promise to be good parents before a judge, seriously!). Now, with the recent disaster in Haiti, the Haitian government is allowing all orphans who have adoptive parents here to leave. Here is the most recent email that Kristi sent out. Please keep this situation in prayer.

UPDATE to info. below: The Lord has provided two buses. The Lord has set up American Airlines to transport the children to the US. All we need now the clearance from the U.S.!!!

Orphans Intend to Depart Haiti

Orphans begin procedures to depart Haiti at U.S. Embassy

(Port-au-Prince, Haiti) On January 20, 2010, 133 orphans from the Maison des Enfants de Dieu (Children of the House of God) orphanage will begin the difficult process outlined by the U.S. Department of State for humanitarian parole and onward transportation to the United States. In accordance with instructions received from the State Department, as relayed by the Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) at 8 p.m. today, orphans along with orphanage staff members have been instructed to arrive at the U.S. Embassy as early as possible on Wednesday morning. JCICS warned that no food, water or facilities would be available for the children while processing at the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince.

JCICS further relayed that orphanage requests to the U.S. Embassy for security and transportation for the children have been denied by the State Department. The U.S. ministry associated with this orphanage, For His Glory Adoption Outreach (FHG), was also asked to stop requesting security, transportation or even water at the orphanage location. Following discussions with staff and board members in Port-au-Prince, the difficult decision was made that all 133 children, including approximately 60 children under the age of 3, will begin early in the morning of January 20th to walk the over 2 kilometers to the U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince. This decision was made due to the limited staff available and the increasingly dangerous security situation at the orphanage in Port-au-Prince. The staff will carry as much water, food and baby formula as possible with them for the orphans while processing at the U.S. Embassy. JCICS relayed that once processing is completed, the orphans will travel to the United States on "cargo jets to locations that are not often known until an hour or so before the flight leaves."

Kim Harmon, President of FHG, acknowledged that "this arrangement is far from ideal for the safety and well-being of the children. We are calling to all who care about these precious children to pray earnestly for their safety tomorrow."

JCICS STATEMENT

January 19, 2010 8 p.m. est

UPDATE: Haiti

It is once again my job to be the bearer of bad news. Another day come and gone and no change. Despite extensive Congressional support and all of your calls to your Members of Congress we have hit roadblock after roadblock. At this point we respectfully ask that you stop contacting your Members of Congress requesting their assistance with obtaining security, transportation, and water for the location. The Department of State has not and apparently will not provide the small assistance that we have requested.

Given the current circumstances, at this point we are recommending that someone from each orphanage escort the children who qualify for humanitarian parole or adoption visas to the U.S. Embassy in Port-A-Prince. We recommend that the orphanage staff arrive with the children and any adoption paperwork that has not been destroyed as early as possible in the morning in order to attempt to obtain visas or parole for the children. Please understand that this option may not be considered safe and that the U.S. Embassy did not allow some orphanages onto the premises today. Additionally, please note that it has been reported that there is no food, water or facilities for the children to use while at the Embassy. As noted during our conference call earlier today, these are our recommendations only and should not be used to replace your or your orphanage director's good judgment.

It is our understanding that any children processed by USCIS in Port-A-Prince are leaving on U.S. cargo jets to locations that are not often know until a hour or so before the flight leaves. At times children have left Haiti without the knowledge of their adoptive parents.

This is currently the worst case scenario for the children's well-being and safety but at the moment there are no other options."

Where I need to go

2010-01-12T21:11:00.001-05:00

"Is being a mom really less about our expectations of chubby grins and little people kisses and more about a deep love that is willing to go places we never thought we would venture?" ~Wendi@Every Day Miracles

This is a quote taken from my friend Wendi, who is one of the most amazing and awe-inspiring mothers I know. I could go on and on, but just go check her out and you'll see. I don't often steal quotes from people, but this particular sentence struck a deep cord with me. Because, you see, there's something I don't talk about very often with anyone, because I don't tend to talk about things that keep me up at night. The troubles that worry me to my core. Because Isaac, like most children to their mothers, is rooted into my very core.

Isaac, I believe, is God's little pruning tool in my life. With this young child, God shows me my faults, my shortcomings, the places He wants change in my life, and my need for Him. Isaac was born knowing how to push my buttons and keep me off-balance, and is able to teach me so much more about myself than I ever knew. He is both infuriating and incredibly loving, all in one hard-to-read package.

As my first born, I was completely smitten with him. He was a sweet, easy-going baby. Nothing seemed to bother him. He rarely got upset or cried. Then he hit eighteen months....and he turned into SOMETHING ELSE. I believe the words "demon spawn" were used quite a bit. It didn't help that I was half-way through my pregnancy with Lydia when it struck, either. He was short-tempered, irate, demanding, and when we spoke to him (or yelled at him) it was as if we weren't there. And he was SO HYPER, and accident prone, and a dare-devil, and fearless, and accident prone. We didn't know what to do with him. We didn't know what we were doing wrong. We tried every approach possible, but nothing seemed to work. When everyone else I knew was talking about how cute they were at this age, and said and did funny things, etc...all I was thinking was that I didn't like being a parent. It was SO HARD, ALL THE TIME. Not just here and there, or sometimes, but ALL THE TIME.

This went on for two and a half years. Two and a half very long, agonizing years. I barely remember Lydia as a baby, because I was literally in survival mode. I'm glad I have pictures, really glad. His doctor called him "busy". Even though Terry and knew that it was more than that, that he wasn't the same as his peers, we couldn't put our fingers on what was going on. Some people suggested we were too hard on him, until he ran down the alley toward a busy street, acting as if we weren't yelling at the top of our lungs. Some suggested we weren't disciplining him enough, although when we tried be "hard" on him it only made him more angry and more frustrated and often he would just shut down. We were at a loss.

Then, at four, Isaac started preschool. And his teachers noticed what we did. Finally, some confirmation. The word autism was mentioned, but he just didn't seem like any autistic kids we'd ever known. Sensory Integration Disorder was introduced and we were given some literature on it. Finally, we started to see some similarities, and some suggestions on how to help him. We took him to an occupational therapist once a week who focused on sensory issues. It seemed to help, but his behavior was still inconsistent. Finally, last March, after suggestions from three different professionals in different fields, we took him off all dairy. It's the only thing we've done that has yielded measurable results. His language improved significantly, 3-5 word sentences to 7-8 word sentences in one month. Our friend, a speech therapist happened to evaluated him at the beginning, just before we took him off dairy, and then finished the evaluation a month later. He was noticeably calmer, more focused and more...present. For the first time ever, I knew he was actually hearing me and understanding me when I spoke to him. I had never been sure before.

This year he is in a Young 5s class, school-of-choice-ed into the next town over because our city doesn't offer Young 5s. Thank the Lord, his teacher is a special ed teacher, who happened to get a regular-ed class this year. She's fantastic. And she also suspects high-functioning autism. We will probably proceed with evaluation in March, as the older they are, the easier it is to diagnose.

Autism is a scary word. Sensory Issues is much safer, more comfortable. Autism is scary. Because these kids are hard to understand. And I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what is diagnosed, he isn't a different kid. It doesn't change him, it just changes what we know about him. And that is a good thing, because, frankly, he's very hard for us to understand at times.

But the great thing about Isaac? It's that he is teaching me to be a better parent. I can't fall back on old habits and patterns because those accomplish nothing. I have to parent the way he needs me to parent, the way God wants me to parent. It's a challenge, because everyday my natural tendencies and behaviors have to be denied so that I can be the mom that Isaac needs me to be. And that is why I quoted my friend. Because I'm learning that a mother's love isn't about cuteness and chubby cheeks, it's about pushing yourself to go beyond what you were ready for, beyond what you read about, beyond what anyone could have warned you about. A mother's love isn't about going where you wanted to go, but where you NEED to go.

Finally

2010-01-05T14:10:00.002-05:00

unsteadiness

uncertainty

elation

pride

a stumble

a tumble

a tear

determination

realization

joy

pride,

and then,

preference

Simon learned to walk over Christmas.

Simon Update

2009-11-08T20:51:00.000-05:00

It's crazy how much my little man has changed in the last five months. At his twelve month visit, our pediatrician was concerned that he wasn't sitting up on his own or crawling yet. Within three weeks, he was pulling into the sitting position and army crawling. Two months later he had totally mastered true crawling. Our pediatrician refered us to Early On, a service provided by the intermediate school district to help kids who are developmentally delayed. She originally mentioned it back in June, but with our crazy summer, we didnt' get the initial visit until October. By that time Simon was pulling himself up on furniture and in the crib, but not letting himself down very gently. Two weeks later, he was letting himself down and nearly balancing on his own. We went through the evaluation with our school district, and we have the final consultation next Monday, but I doubt he qualifies for services. I'm really not too concerned about him, I think he's just not on the same time table as the average kid. He's making progress, he's just not in a hurry. But if he does qualify, I'll certainly take advantage of anything that will benefit him.

He is talking baby-speak, asking me questions and making comments in his own language. He says "no" and finally "baw" (ball)....balls are his favorite, and cups. Unfortunately, those are Ginny's favorite toys too. (Ginny is our seven-and-a-half-month-old puppy we got right before school started.) Despite my best efforts, Simon and Ginny share toys, like it or not.

Simon is, without question, a momma's boy right now. Who knows how long it will last, but I'm loving it while it does! Sometimes he just wants to be held and cuddled by me, and visable perks up when he gets the loving he wants. He's also forming noticeable attachments with his brother and sister, and Bart, his yellow bear(s). He is the master of the quiet whimper, the tearful eyes, and the pouty lip when he believes I'm going away. It is a stellar performance, and melts me every time!

He is loved and adored by the nursery workers at church, being such a cuddle-bug. His hair is the crowd-pleaser, though. We don't do anything to make it stand up like that, it just does. It will finally sit down for about half a day after he gets a bath, but then it's sticking straight out again. I love it, it adds to his character.

As of Friday, he's 17 months old, and seems to be putting some weight on finally, although he's still a bean-pole: 75 percentile in height, 25 percentile in weight...meaning he's long and skinny...like his brother, and his dad, and the majority of his male relatives.

We love watching him grow and explore and develop his personality. So far, so good!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

Now that the hub-bub of Halloween has passed, I thought it might be good to post. Fall is underway here at our house! Two different school schedules for Isaac and Lydia, finishing my master's degree which means I am doing observations two afternoons a week, plus classwork, and the other activities that go with having kids around, plus Terry's school fundraiser, PH Idol, which is taking up three Fridays this fall. Needless to say, time is passing very quickly for me this fall!

After two Halloween parties on two different days, trick or treating was fun and low-stress, which was nice. Terry and his mom took Isaac (who sprinted for twenty minutes) and Simon (in the stroller). I took Lydia and we covered about half the distance, but it was a hoot. After about five houses, Lydia realized that she was the only one who's mom was walking her to the doors. She then instructed me, "You stay here, Momma! I'll go by myself." And she wouldn't let me hold her hand, either. Apparently, she got my independent streak. Should be interesting as she gets older.

I'm very much looking forward to Thanksgiving week, as we'll be at my parents and my dad is going to help me re-finish and fix our dining room table, which has some issues. And by that time I'll be done with observations, which means just a little less touring of our county, which will be VERY nice! Really, I'm just looking forward to a little less craziness in our week.

Lyddie turns THREE!

2009-09-22T19:34:00.000-04:00

The crazy thing is, I feel like she's older than three. I actually put four candles on the cake, and someone else caught it! She's such a sharp, intelligent little imp. She's quiet and cautious in front of others, but with us, she's naturally comedic, without really meaning to be. Even when she's being naughty, it's really hard not to smile, because she's so stinking cute and funny about it.

The night before her party, my sister, Michelle, was asking Lydia if she still wanted the Tinkerbell doll from her. (Lydia had VERY specifically asked for a Snow White baby doll when Michelle asked, so this was a test.) Lydia nodded, not realizing the trick, and then said, "No, Snow White. Now go get it for me!" With an emphatic poke to Michelle's chest. I just about fell off the chair laughing, even though I did eventually pull myself together long enough to correct her. You just never know what's going to come out of her mouth, and her delivery is impeccable!

And so, there was a Disney Princess cake (she wanted Sleeping Beauty, specifically), and MANY pink and purple gifts. I know that this is my daughter, but I'm not sure what happened, because she didn't get this girliness from me, to be sure! But, with her solid working knowledge of super-heros thanks to Isaac, I think she'll be okay.

First Days of School

2009-09-17T13:05:00.000-04:00

Isaac actually started on September 8th, but Lydia just started at preschool on September 15th. Both have been very excited and are loving school Isaac struggles with sitting still and paying close attention, but he's a work in progress, like all of us. And very much BOY. He had to stay home today because he has a virus that's going around, aches and a fever, and was not too pleased to miss school. So he must really like it. Lydia was hilarious Tuesday, walking with proud determination into the church, with her backpack nearly as big as she is. She has a buddy in class with her that she knew already, and I believe they are always together. They are so different in personality, but it's so cute. I just wish Isaac had AM Young 5s, because with Lydia in the AM and Isaac in the PM, it makes for VERY hectic Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm usually pretty exhausted by the time 4pm rolls around. I'm hoping I get more used to it as the year goes on. Also, I'm looking forward to next year when 1)Isaac is attending school in our district and 2) their schedules are more in sinc with each other's . Until them, just call me Mom the Taxi.

Owosso, MI

2009-09-12T15:31:00.006-04:00

Owosso, Michigan is my hometown, a cute little town in middle Michigan. Crime is rare, violent crime is practically unheard of. This is the high school I attended, across from which live the parents of one of my friends from elementary school. On Friday morning, something horrible happened that has rocked the community.

The media coverage is focusing greatly on the fact that one of the two victims, Jim Poullion (the uncle of another high school friend of mine), who was a very well-known voice opposed to abortion. Around town he was known as the sign man or the abortion man. He was controversial, and stirred up mixed feelings in many people. The media seems to be painting the murder as a crime against the anti-abortion movement, but that's not REALLY the truth. The truth is that the shooter is a deeply disturbed man who had a vendetta against THREE different men in Owosso, two whom he got to, one whom he didn't. One of those victims offended the shooter with his protests, the other victim was a 63 year old owner of a local gravel pit, who was a former boss of the shooter's mother. I'm not even sure what the connection of the third man on the list was. But only one was known in the anti-abortion movement. This wasn't a statement against the anti-abortion movement, it was the personal, random, vendetta of a sick man.

I moved from Owosso 16 years ago, but I still have friends and family there. I know people who know both victims and killer. This isn't about anti-abortion and an attack of the movement. This is about senseless killings that have taken brothers, uncles, sons, grandfathers from their families. It's about high school kids who saw the drive by shooting across the street from the high school (one of them my cousin's daughter, and another elementary school friend's son). It's about a very close knit and safe community being deeply wounded by this selfishness and rage of one twisted individual. That's the real story. Not that the anti-abortion movement is under attack yet again.

Seasons of Change

2009-09-02T14:58:00.001-04:00

Well, the summer of pure craziness is at a close, and we at the Redheaded Mommy household are looking at some big changes for this school year. Isaac turned FIVE last week. I cannot believe that my baby boy is five....he's officially a kid now, no longer even close to a baby or toddler....sniff, sniff. However, I can't say that the toddler phase with him is something I'd ever want to repeat, or wish on my worst enemy, so five is pretty good, after all! He'll be attending half-day Young 5s this fall, and although it makes me sad and nervous for him, I know he's going to love it! We go to meet his teacher tomorrow, and he's pretty excited about that. Although I'm shocked at how fast he's growing up, I'm truly delighted to see the person he will be emerging.

Lydia will be attending Tuesday/Thursday preschool and is VERY excited about that. But with Isaac's PM class and Lydia's being AM, it's going to make for some pretty interesting Tuesday/Thursday lunchtimes for us. Lydia will be turning three at the end of the month, and she is....a piece of work. She often cracks us up without ever meaning to. She's our comic relief.

Monday night we got what I've long been waiting for, a family dog. We got her from a local rescue and she's sweet as can be and loves the kids. We named her Ginerva, calling her Ginny. (Harry Potter fans will understand.) She's a five-and-a-half-month-old boxer/shepherd mix. The rescue lady thinks she'll be around 50-60 lb, full grown. I have my doubts. I'm thinking she'll be bigger, judging by the length of her legs. The cats have not so subtlety told her that they hate her guts, but as long as she doesn't try to play with them, they will allow her to live. Co-existence is fine by me.

Simon turned one at the start of the summer, but I think he was fourteen months by the time I got his last monthly shot taken......whatever. Did I mention the ridiculously crazy summer we've had?

And lastly, in the quest to finish my master's degree, I'll be back in the classroom for a couple hours/couple days a week for six weeks. I'm completely rusty and nervous as all get out about this, but I want that freaking master's degree! Then I have one other class, an insanely hard written exam, and another test of some sort and I'm finished!

By next summer, I'll just be ready to sleep for a really long time.

And then it will ready to think about my next continueing education program to keep my teaching certificate fresh until such a time as I can return to the classroom.

Done for now

2009-07-21T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, we made it through the very challenging five weeks at CMU. It's good to be home, if only for a little while. The kids seem happier too, I think they missed home, too. It'll be nice to camp, too, but I wish it didn't entail packing up again and leaving, lol. Presently, the house is trashed because we are in transistion. The goal is to have it looking half-way decent again before we leave, and also getting all the laundry done and camp stuff packed. Joy.

Life on the other side

2009-07-08T13:22:00.003-04:00

I won't lie, being a full time grad student with three kids, it's hard. And that's even with Terry watching the kids the whole time. He's really been doing a great job as a stay-at-home dad. I have no complaints. And not that he's ever belittled me or implied that my role as the stay-at-home parent is easy, but I'm hoping this gives him a little more insight into my more annoying habits like severe word-salad or not being able to finish a thought. After one week he started to have word-salad (that's when you mean to use one word but your mouth suddenly uses a completely random word that might have been on your mind hours ago) I laughed pretty hard when that happened.
He really has been exceptional though, and asks me for very little help.

And, being away from them is helping me appreciate them more, and think of ways that I can interact with them more when I have my old job back. It's refreshing, for me, to not be the one responsible for their care and upkeep every day, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the respite.

My grad classes are giving me the chance to remember why I want to go back to teaching, and are exciting me about the possibilities when I'm back in the classroom. It's also reminding me that I'm not just a mom, I'm also an academic with a brain in there, which has been nice. Since I'm nearly finished with this program (Middle Level Education), I'm already thinking about what I want to do next for furthering education in order to stay fresh AND keep my teaching certificate up to date.

Also, learning that Twitter is an outstanding educational resource, as long as you look for the right circles!

The Zoo

2009-06-28T14:56:00.000-04:00

We spend the better part of Saturday at the Detroit Zoo with my sister and her boyfriend, Jason. The kids had fun, and they really enjoyed the dinosaur exhibit, but we adults were a bit underwhelmed. The dino exhibit cost extra, the train ride cost extra, the penguin exhibit was REALLY smell and the glass was filthy, etc. I haven't been to a lot of zoos myself, but the other two I've been two just seemed better put together, maintained, and organized. Also, though this was no fault of the zoos, it was a pretty hot day and most of the animals showed it. I think we are going to try the Toledo Zoo in the fall, when it's cooler.

Hoya Blooms

2009-06-04T20:23:00.001-04:00

Well, Tuesday when I was watering my plants, I noticed something strange on my varigated hoya, besides the vine of pure white leaves. At the end of a long, mostly leaf-less vine was a cluster of what looked like....could that be flower buds? Since when do hoyas get flowers? I've never heard of such a thing. I called my sister, who is in the plant industry and she'd never heard of it either. I called my mom, from whose plant I'd taken the clippings to make mine, and she said that recently she had found little flower buds on the area below her plant, but hadn't seen them on the plant or open up at all. I sent some pictures to my sister so she could see, and she was amazed, for several reasons: 1) because she had never heard of or seen flower buds on a hoya and 2) I can't keep anything green alive for very long, let alone take care of it so well as to get it to bloom! I mean, I kill ivy on a regular basis. Nothing else I have that is supposed to bloom has done so in over a year....I'm really horrible at keeping plants, and now my hoya has flower buds. Amazing.

And so, typical me, I researched. Turns out, hoyas bloom when they get a lot of sunlight, which mine does. Also, they buds don't always bloom, especially if the plant doens't get enough water during this time, or the plant gets moved or messed with a lot.

I immediately gave it more water, and this morning when I woke up, four of the twinty-five buds had opened! Yea me!

And why am I getting so excited about a common house plant? Because I am desperate to focus on something that doesn't revolve around my kids. Even it's blooms on a common hoya.

My life in four years

2009-06-01T09:53:00.001-04:00

We recently hooked our portable hard drive back up to the computer and so I started looking at pictures of Isaac and Lydia when they were babies. Amazing how much our family has changed in the last five springs. Starting at the top and moving clockwise: Isaac 9 months (2005); Isaac at 21 months (2006); Lydia at 8 months (2007); Isaac at nearly 3 years old (2007); Isaac at nearly four and Lydia at nearly two (2008); Newborn Simon (2008); Simon at nearly 1 year (2009); and at center, all three kids with Grandma Shoop, Isaac nearly five, Lydia nearly three, Simon nearly one. I am constantly amazed at how much Simon and Isaac look alike.

Spring Activities

2009-05-20T14:10:00.004-04:00

Well, Spring is FINALLY here in Michigan, I know this because the peonies have blooms (with ants on them: some sort of symbiotic relationship) and the lilacs are in bloom. Lilacs don't bloom until they are sure the weather will remain decent. Isaac had his preschool graduation Monday and his last day of school today, so he is officially on summer vacation. Terry has his last school concert tomorrow and only one more rehearsal with the community chorus he directs. Our Financial Peace University class (Dave Ramsey) will be done the second week of June, right before the craziness really begins.

June 12th is the last day for public schools, after which we will immmediately remove ourselves to Central Michigan U. for five weeks to finish master's degrees....and then off a week, and then camping for two weeks (Terry will be taking another class during one of those weeks, but grandparents will be with us to help)...and then, thankfully, we will have four weeks of nothing until the school begins again, since Michigan schools all start after Labor Day weekend now. This is our last super-crazy summer, and for that I am very grateful.

The one where I vent because I just don't know what to do with Isaac next year for school...

2009-05-14T20:20:00.006-04:00

Isaac is a first born boy with a late birthday. For anyone with school age children or in education, you know what this means when I bring up the dreaded word: kindergarten. He's improved significantly this year in preschool, partly from excellent teachers, and partly from being taken off all dairy products. (that would be an entire other post.) However, I am pretty sure he's not really ready for kindergarten. Not academically speaking, but socially. However, he has many friends, older and younger, who are starting kindergarten next year. I went ahead and scheduled a kindergarten round-up appointment for him....and then proceeded to change my mind a thousand million times in the last two months. I had actually decided not to take him, because I thought for sure he'd be in preschool again next year, and threw out the paper work. Only to change my mind again and go, doing the paperwork there. His preschool teachers think he needs something more than preschool, but our district does not offer a Young 5s program. The district directly to the south does, and so I have filled out the appropriate paperwork for inter-county school of choice, but I won't find out until July or maybe even August if he'll get in. Just to cover all the bases, I have paid the registration fee for preschool next year, and I have him registered for kindergarten at a school in our district. I know that I just need to wait until we find out from the other district, but there is a part of me that continues to worry over the decision (that I don't even have to make at this point) over which would be better for him, two years of preschool or two years of kindergarten? The teacher that worked with him today at round up said she thinks I should put him in, but she is a younger teacher and I'm not sure I agree. She seemed to think it was no big deal to repeat kindergarten, but I certainly remember when I was that age and a kid didn't make it to first grade. I think it could stick with a kid, depending on his/her personality. However, I think Isaac is just oblivious enough to not care. But I'm not certain....about anything at this point, hence the rolling stomach and the bitten nails and the increased distraction. Good grief, this is just kindergarten....what am I going to do when the REALLY big decisions come up?

Dinner Conversation

2009-04-28T08:23:00.003-04:00

Isaac: "I have a pea up my nose...."

Us: "???....."

We both stare at Isaac, then at each other as Isaac continues to root around for said pea.

Isaac: "I don't know how to get it out of there....." More rooting.

Me: "Hold on...(I hold the unobstructed nostril closed)...okay, now BLOW!"

Isaac: "Fssshhshshs!"

Me: "Okay, all done."

Terry chuckles while I wash my hands and resume my dinner.

We don't even bother inquiring how things get up there anymore.

Listening

2009-04-26T19:56:00.001-04:00

Lydia is in full two-year-old mode now. Conversations go something like:
"I want to......(fill in the blank).."

"No, you can't do that because...."

(Super whiney voice) "But I WANT to..."

And even though she does understand some reasoning, she often won't accept it.

However, she also has some amazingly cute moments, more than less, and she is over all pretty easy to handle. She also seems to be the family comedian, however she did not intend to apply for that position. She's very serious abouther work, and doesn't mean to be hilarious, and yet she is. She's speaking in full sentences, and has somre really great logic skills, like putting together a stream of events and making sense out of cause and effect. I recently cut her hair off, and although it went a little shorter than I'd meant, I really like it on her, it suits her perfectly. It will also be great for summer because it's off her neck.

She was listening to an airplane overhead when I took this shot, very serious and intent on her task....typical Lyddie.

New Do!

2009-04-24T20:19:00.000-04:00

It's shorter than I'd originally wanted, but I'm really loving it. I'd forgotten how much I really LOVE having short hair! Ahhhh......

Bigger and Bigger

2009-04-16T16:53:00.001-04:00

Simon turned ten months old on April 6th. I cannot believe how fast the time since his birth has gone. Seems like so recently that my water was breaking five weeks early, after we had arrived at a campground north of town for a weekend with friends. And yet I look at him and notice the subtle, and not so subtle, ways he has grown. He seems significantly larger every morning I put him in his highchair. He's eating FOUR meals (of two #2 foods, except at breakfast, when it's only one) on top of nursing....we have to do the 8pm food feeding or he won't sleep through the night: wakes at 3 am HUNGRY! And, I'm assuming, due to the huge amounts of food he's been packing away, he seems to have shot straight from 12 month clothes to 18 month! What a monster!

He seemed to master sitting up by himself over night, although halfway between nine and ten months that if finally happened. The idea of crawling hasn't occured to him yet, but I think it will happen the same way, and then off he'll go.

Window Treatments

2009-04-13T10:28:00.000-04:00

Well, after two and a half years of trying to decide what to do with the windows in our dining room, I finally decided I was going to make curtains for them. Part of the motivation was that at dinner time, the afternoon sun beats through this window like a spotlight, directly into the faces of those at the table. So, of the two windows, it was most important I get this set done BEFORE Easter dinner, since my parents were joining us. I didn't consider that the sun will probably bleach out the print over time, so I'm going to add backing to these and when I make the second set, I'll just do the backing immediately. For not having a pattern, and only the concept in my mind, I couldn't be more pleased with how these turned out! And the curtain rods, which were EXACTLY what I wanted, were on sale at 40% off! How often does that happen?

The other window is about three times the size of this one, so that will take me a little longer, but I think I'll have them done by Friday. I can't wait!! Also, I want to get a better picture, the lighting was awful when I took this.

This Guy

2009-04-02T16:49:00.000-04:00

He's been sick on and off since the new year began. He had finally broke 20lb. and with this last bout of illness he's back down to 19lb. 5 oz. I thought for sure that he'd be large like Isaac was, but with all the sickness, he's probably about 50th percentile. He does seem to be on the upswing again, finally. He started eating like he was before the stomach flu, so that's good. His disposition is not so great, though. I think he might be starting another round of teething again, with the crankiness and the constant gnawing on things. He's getting breathing treatments at night to combat the respiratory infection, but seems otherwise okay. PaPa and Shoop were here this last weekend and PaPa kept putting the chewy toy on Simon's head. It was pretty funny watching him try to get it off.

Well, he's crying again.....probably hungry.

Getting There

2009-04-02T14:11:00.005-04:00

I suppose this is just like anything else in life, you work at it a little at a time....some points come easily and some are more difficult. Some are time consuming and some are finished quickly. I wish I could get the banner to show my own banner though. I can't seem to figure out what XML language to tweak to get my picture to show, and I worked so stinking hard creating that banner. There are some resources I need to explore, though. People who might know the answer to my question.....do you?

NOTE: I did it!! YEA ME!

new template

2009-04-01T00:17:00.002-04:00

seems so generic. not sure if i like it...you may see many different looks as i figure out how i want to do this.

RIP Paul Harvey

2009-02-28T23:54:00.000-05:00

Many of you, like me, grew up listening to him.

Playing with Photoshop Elements

2009-02-24T14:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it doesn't look like much, but I learned at least three different skills in doing this one photo. And I only enhanced his eyes a smidge.

A little of everything.

2009-02-22T19:12:00.001-05:00

February 6th was the eight month mark for Simon-boy. He's quite a happy fellow, and I'm sure will be even more so when the four front top teeth finally all poke through. For the meantime, he's having some fussy nights.

I had a rare few hours alone with Simon this morning, being too sick myself to go to church. I took the opportunity to get as close as I could to him, and he was pretty cooperative about looking at the camera even though he was really trying to focus on sitting up by himself. He's much closer to doing it now than even a week ago. Also, I'm stunned by his big blues in this shot.

I think sharing bathtime is not much longer for these too. They are getting too big to be comfortable. I think once Simon is able to use the bath seat, Isaac will graduate to his own bath time.

Although I have no idea what's going on with Lydia's sleeve in this picture (there was nothing on it), I still love this picture of the three of them. I'm thinking I'll turn it sepia or black and white to frame.

Rebel without a clue

2009-02-12T14:04:00.000-05:00

Well, in case you hadn't heard, Terry got me a gorgeous new toy for Valentine's Day. He'd been hiding away money for a little while, and found a great deal on a Canon Rebel XTi, which I'd been drooling over for several years now. I'm in complete shock. We just don't spend money on eachother/ourselves. We didn't even buy anything for ourselves for Christmas, so this is a pretty big deal. I love it, SO MUCH. I have such limited knowledge of what it can do. Plus, I bought Photoshop Elements last September with birthday money, so I have decent editing tools (however, I still like Picasa for quick fixes!) So, between the Rebel and Elements, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Elated, but overwhelmed. I was experimenting in the bathroom mirror because an old friend had commented on how I didn't have any recent photos of me on Facebook. I really like the bottom picture. I like the look on my face and the hues and the framing....it seems very "me".

Right now I only have the kit lens, but I'll be squirreling away money for the 18-200mm lens. I wish Canon's lenses weren't so expensive, but once I get it, I'm pretty set. Until them, I'm more than happy with the kit lens. This is such a huge upgrade from my Canon Elph that it'll be a while before I really start wanting the better lens. I still plan on using my Elph quite a bit. For a little point and shoot, it's been very good to me, and it's always more convienient to take on trips. I'm wanting a camera bag that both can fit into, but in looking for one, I've discovered that glorified backpacks are RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE! yeesh!

Happier Times

2009-01-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

This is actually his seven months picture, which was taken at the beginning of the month. Right now, he's got the stomach flu that Isaac is just getting over. Yep, puking and the whole package. And he's cutting all four top teeth. And not sleeping. And looking like crap. And his cheeks, nose, and chin are all rashy too, be it from the teething or puke, I know not. Good times.

Challenges

2009-01-23T10:50:00.000-05:00

It's no small thing to get all three of them to look at the camera. Forget about them all smiling, I'm just happy they don't have completely doofy looks on their faces! This last weeks has been a difficult one in the Redhead Mommy household. Isaac spent Wednesday throwing up, Lydia is fighting off an ear infection and has become increasingly TWO with attitude and whining to boot, and Simon has that nebulous baby discontent. It might be teeth (but I see nothing), it might be him fighting the ear infection (but his ears don't seem to hurt him), it might be a growth spurt; whatever it is, he's not enjoying going to sleep lately.

Isaac and Lydia are beginning to get into spats with one another and I struggle between refereeing and letting them sort it out themselves. Lydia can be an instigator, but when Isaac retaliates, she screams bloody murder. I don't want to baby her, I don't want to allow him to bully her. It's a conundrum.

However, despite it all, both Isaac and Lydia totally dote on Simon, they kiss him and laugh with him every chance they get. They love to give him his toys when he drops them (or switch toys when they decide he wants something else). I'm enjoying it, because it won't be so long before Simon is in the mix mentioned above.

A Special Visitor

2008-12-18T17:47:00.000-05:00

Monday night we had a special visitor in the Redhead Mommy household. Terry had some students singing at local elementary schools and discovered that Santa was the dad of one of our babysitters, strange, huh? Santa offered to come visit our kids as a special treat, and even brought little books for them as gifts. A preschool friend of Isaac's saw the pictures on my facebook page and was VERY jealous, and accused me of putting out the magical reindeer oats that their preschool teachers gave them out early by mistake. When she discovered that Santa just likes us better, she was pretty upset.

Isaac was all about telling Santa what he wants (what was it again? oh yes, the Clone Trooper Helmet and Clone Trooper gun...as if I haven't heard it a hundred-thousand times.) Lydia, however, was not as excited to get all friendly with Santa...she was more than happy with a nice polite "Hi, Santa!" and a wave, but him actually touching her went a little beyond her comfort zone, as you can see here by her trademark scowl. And since there was no way we could convince her to go near Santa again, knowing he might pick her up, she stood by Terry for the group photo.

Simon was just happy for attention. Poor, neglected, third child that he is.

All it all, it was pretty fun, and it was a good thing that Santa remembered Isaac's name when he saw him at the preschool party on Wednesday, or there would have been trouble. (it was a different one!)

And so, I guess this means that we are "doing Santa" in our house. Anyone not "do Santa" or know anyone who does...or doesn't? What are your opinions?

(Belated) Six Months

2008-12-15T19:31:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that it's been six months since this bugger joined our lives. He is a joy, to be sure, and we are enjoying him immensley, except for Saturday when he ate every two and a half hours, didn't sleep, and then woke every three hours through the night to eat. He's an eating machine, which means he's growing. Everyone comments about how happy he is, and it's true, he's pretty easy going and happy. He's beginning to role over from belly to back, and has been working on a tooth for about a month now...it is barely visible and seems happy to stay that way. He just started eating some solid foods, nothing exciting though, just bananas and rice cereal. He seems to like it, but doesn't have the eating rhythm down yet.

Lydia and Isaac adore Simon and kiss him and play with him and hug him every chance they get. Sometimes they play a little rough for him, but they mean no harm.

I've always felt like three was the correct number of children for me, and now that Simon's here, I can't get over the sense of completion I feel to our family. It just feels right that he's here with us.

For lack of a caption

2008-11-14T18:04:00.002-05:00

I'm still at a loss as to what to write about this first picture. There are so many directions you could go, so I'll just leave it to you (be good!) Isaac is thrilled in that second picture with his new "Storm Trooper" costume. We know, of course, that it's not really a storm trooper, but a clone, but he doesn't so it's all good. And that third picture....well...I think I'd look scared if that crazy lady were holding me, too.

Fall is leading quickly to winter. Isaac has begun Occupational Therapy, but is having some serious issues with actually leaving the OT time. We're working on it, but if it continues, I wonder if it is really helpful for him to continue. Otherwise, he's doing well at school and is making some friends with some other little boys of similar energy levels (eek!). Lydia is speaking in clear and thoughtful sentences, and also exploring boundaries a lot these days. "NO!" is a favorite experiment of hers. It never ends well for her, so hopefully she'll figure it out soon. Simon has started rolling from belly to back and is taking naps in his own room now. We moved Lydia's bed into Isaac's room for the time being....and they are both thrilled. We'll see what happens when Simon can sleep in a regular bed. Simon is also favoring his left thumb, and if he follows his siblings, this means he has a very strong chance of being right-handed, as the other two sucked their "off" hand.

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is two weeks away and Christmas right around the corner. Life is moving faster than ever with three children, and I only hope I'm wise enough to savor a moment here and there.

Happy Halloween!!

2008-10-31T12:45:00.001-04:00

2008-10-24T13:19:00.003-04:00

In just a few short weeks, Simon has:
1) Discovered his thumbs, but has not picked a favorite yet. I'm wondering which it will be, because Isaac sucked his right thumb and is left-handed, and Lydia sucks her left thumb and is right-handed.

2) Started rolling from his belly to his back. He generally sleeps on his belly during his daytime naps and his back at night. He gets really ticked off when he rolls from his belly to his back during nap time and then cannot get back to his belly.

3) Begun showing real upper body strength, so we've broken out the gigantic Intellitainer and he's spending a few minutes in that at a time. He's still not too strong, though, so he flops back against the head rest a bit.

4) Moved from a three to a four hour schedule, which means he's dropped a feeding. He's not been eating all the great for a few days, though. I think they are all fighting off a little something, because Simon has looked like crap for a couple days (washed out with red-rimmed eyes) and Lydia suddenly has a very juicy disgusting cough. And so, he woke up at 6am for a feeding today....blech.

All in all though he is quite adorable and a giant flirt. He'd rather grin and coo at me than finish his meal, most days.

Bathtime Conversations

2008-10-22T09:56:00.001-04:00

.
First, a little back story: A few days ago I was changing Simon's diaper, and Isaac was watching. He noticed that Simon had "stuff" like his, and asked what it was.
"That's Simon's penis, he has one just like you do, Isaac, because you are boys."
Nothing more was said.
Last night was the typical bath night. Isaac was already in the tub and naked Lydia comes toddling in.
"Where's the peanut?" Isaac says as he points at Lydia's stuff.
"Where's the what?" I asked.
"The peanut."
"Do you mean a penis?" I asked.
"Where's her peanut?" He persisted.
"What is a peanut, Isaac?"
He then proceeded to point to his peanut.
"No, that's not called a peanut, it's called a penis. And Lydia doesn't have a penis, she's a girl."
"Lydia doesn't have a pee....nus?"
"No, she's a girl," I explain as he looks at her like well what does she have? "Girls have a vagina." I say, forcing the hated word out of my mouth because I know it's the right thing to do. (We prefer "hoo-hoo".)
Again, nothing more is said, until he starts looking under my legs as I sit next to the tub. "Where is it? Is it in there?" He says as he looks.
"No Isaac, I dont' have a penis either, I'm a girl, like Lydia. Only boys have penises."
"Isaac and Simon have a penis. And Daddy has a penis." Isaac says to himself as a matter of clarification.
"Yes, you all have penises because you are all boys. Girls don't have penises and Lydia and Momma are girls." By this time, the conversation was beginning to embarrass even me. Little did I know.
"Oh, it's okay, Momma. Maybe we can grow you a nice, BIG, penis."
"Really, Isaac, I'm REALLY okay with not having one."

Four Months

2008-10-21T09:04:00.001-04:00

Simon-Four Months
Originally uploaded by Redhead Mommy.

This little monster is growing so fast! I picked him up this morning, and it was as if he'd grown significantly over night. He's well known for these half-smiles, and although this isn't a good example, also does a good Elvis sneer. Simon especially loves to look into our eyes and coo and grin....he's an excellent flirt, really.

His doctor says she doesn't consider him as a pre-term baby anymore, since he is doing everything a four month old should be. He's not rolling over yet, but she's not concerned about it. He's in the 90th percentile for length and the 75th for weight. He's gaining percentiles every time we go in, I'm fairly certain he's going to be larger like Isaac, after he's done catching up to his "full potential". The doctor says it's hard to speculate how big he'd really be if he was born on time, but my gut tells me he's not done catching up to what he might have been yet.

I cannot believe it's been over four months since he was born! And to think a short year ago, I was still trying convince Terry that I was really pregnant! Time is passing so much more quickly now, and seems to have gotten faster with each child. It's hard to imagine Simon as a two year old or three year old, but I know it will be here in no time.

Finally!

2008-10-19T22:37:00.001-04:00

Originally uploaded by Redhead Mommy.

I didn't think the leaves would ever begin to fall, but at last, they have! And now, in the course of one week, one of our largest trees are nearly completely bare. The kids are having a blast playing in the giant pile at the bottom of the slide, though. Amazingly enough, they both looked at the camera with decent expressions and I caught it on film...a rare occasion.

I go for Isaac's IEP (Individual Education Plan) October 27th, my fingers can't take much more of this. I've had to put band aids on my thumbs! I wish I had some clue as to what they were going to tell me. I'm going to be in such a distracted fog for the next week. blah.

However, we are all doing well, and I am SO looking forward to my annual scrapbooking weekend at Higgins Lake with my friends from back home. I think it's roughly three weeks away. It will be so nice.,......too bad it's only a weekend, but I know I'll miss Isaac and Lydia terribly, too. (Simon's going with me this time.) And then comes the press to Christmas.....this time of year goes by so fast, but I love it.

Mmmm.....Fall

2008-10-05T15:57:00.004-04:00

Well, I think this it the last picture taken of the the kids in warm-weather attire. It turned chilly soon after, and I have to say, I love it. I actually get to wear long sleeves without over-heating. I love the crispness of the air and the chilliness of night time. Fall activities are in full swing and we are gearing up for Halloween. (Although I've somehow misplaced the chili pepper bunting and orange pumpkin hat, along with other important baby clothes, and I'm quite distressed.) We have plans for the apple orchard next weekend, which should be a lot of fun.

Isaac has his Special Education Evaluation on Oct. 14th, to see if he does have sensory problems. I've mixed feelings about the evaluation. My hopes are that we can help Isaac be the best he can be. My fears are that it's all my fault. Is this normal? To fear that I am completely responsible for his temper tantrums, unusual behavior, and failure to follow directions without a fight? The truth is it's been a very difficult month for me with Isaac, although not for anyone else that Isaac interacts with. That said, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not to blame, although I cannot for the life of me figure out how to change it. I wish it was as easy as being more strict, but that actually makes it worse. If I back off, that means that I'm doing everything for him, which isn't good either. I'm hoping this evaluation can shed some light on the issue for me.

Happenings

2008-09-13T10:27:00.001-04:00

Well, September has brought with it some subtle and not so subtle changes to our lives. Simon turned three months on September 6th, and as I was taking the picture, I was struck by how absolutely CHUBBY that boy has gotten! Whew! I think he's around 15lb now. His doctor says he doesn't look like a pre-term baby, which is a good thing. He grins all the time, mostly at us, but sometimes at inanimate objects! He looks so strikingly like Isaac did at this age that I'm constantly getting hit with waves of deja-vu.

Isaac started preschool this last week. He seems to be enjoying it, although he doesn't talk much about it. I try to get him to, but he offers very little info....sort of like his dad! His teachers have confirmed some behavioral issues that Terry and I have wondered about for a while. They lent us the book "The Out-of-Sync Child" which is about Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Sensory Processing Disorder. It really describes a lot of the struggles we've had with Isaac, and so we are getting him screened for Special Ed. services through our school district. If he does have SID/SPD then Occupational Therapy is what he needs. Since SID/SPD is basically a neurological "glitch"/immaturity, then OT can completely remedy it, especially at this age. If he qualifies through the district, then the district will pay for OT, which would be great. Also, Isaac is at this moment at an appointment with is dad to get his eyes checked. When they checked his sight at his pediatrician appointment on Wednesday, they suggested we take him to an Optometrist. He could only read three or four rows down.

Since Isaac is at preschool three mornings a week, Lydia is for the first time experiencing time alone, to play with what she wants. The house is amazingly quiet with only one child at play...I'd forgotten! I can't believe she'll be two next Sunday! Amazing.

Simon is nearly sleeping through the night, but seems to be getting caught up at the 5am marker, just like Isaac did. I know I should let him cry, but it's so much easier to nurse him for five minutes, that I haven't mustered up the resolve to do it! Maybe that will be my goal by the end of the month! hehe.

Church programs are up and running again, and us with our new church family this fall. We registered Isaac for AWANA last Wednesday, and so he has his cute little Cubbies vest, book, and book bag.

Suddenly, my baby boy Isaac is now a little boy. It is bittersweet to say the least, and I swing between a bit of sadness and a bit of wonder at how fast the last four years have gone by.

And me, I'm coming out of the three-month-post-baby-haze that has hit me after each baby. It's like I suddenly wake up and want to start doing SOMETHING besides taking care of children. It timed out perfectly with fall, and activities starting up again. We're planning on joining our local YMCA in the next month. We toured the new facility last weekend and it's really a beautiful place, and a pretty reasonalble membership fee. I can't wait to get rid of all this weight I've picked up while having kids.

All in all, we are doing pretty well around here, although I still feel like we are our own three-ring circus at times! That gets better, right?

Simon Two Months

2008-08-09T23:06:00.000-04:00

Well, here he is, in all his hugeness. Seems like he's noticeably bigger each day. He's FINALLY dropped his 1 am feeding, and is going from 10pm to 4am before needing to eat again. And even then, he's not really taking a full meal, so maybe we will see Simon sleeping from 10 am to 7 am before Terry starts school again. I sure would love that!

We're taking off on vacation on Monday, so I'm sure I'll have more to talk abou then.

Simon One Month+

2008-08-01T19:39:00.001-04:00

Eight Weeks, actually, which just seems impossible. I cannot believe it's been nearly two months since he was born. The time has flown by, in a sleep-deprived haze, but flown by nonetheless! He had a well-baby visit on Wednesday. As I said before, he's growing like a weed. At "eight weeks" (I put it in quotes, because he'd actually be only three weeks if he'd baked all the way), Simon weighs 12 pounds, is 23 inches long, and his head is 15 3/4 inches. Technically, he's in the 50th percentile. Our pediatrician commented about how is isn't as big as his siblings were, and then I reminded her that he was five weeks early. She said that she had to keep reminding herself that he's a preemie, and that if she adjusted for the preterm birth, he'd be in the 97th percentile. So, it looks like he's following in his brother's footsteps. We'll see how he continues to grow, though.

He's started looking around and following objects with his eyes, and a couple times I've expected to see a smile. His face will brighten up, but he doesn't follow through yet with the grin we are impatient to see. It's hard to tell with newborns, but his personality seems to be emerging. He definitely has no problem letting his voice be heard, probably not a bad trait for #3. He seems to have a pretty gentle nature, though, and will often look at me very thoughtfully. But, like I said, it's hard to tell with newborns, and so I am pretty impatient to see he personality truly emerge, as well. I know, I know, I should enjoy every moment....I still want the time to come when I can see his personality more clearly.

Summer Faces

2008-08-01T15:14:00.002-04:00

Summer Faces
Originally uploaded by Redhead Mommy.

We spent the better part of two weeks traveling through Michigan and staying with family. I'm definitely enjoying getting outside and playing with the kids. Isaac and Lydia have the beautiful sun-kissed tan look, which I've NEVER had, and they are getting out and playing a lot. I have to say that NOT being pregnant in the summer is EXCELLENT!

While in Jackson the kids got to swim in Cranberry Lake at PawPaw and Shoop's, and they also got to spend an afternoon with Granny Jumber and their cousin, Cecillia. When we stayed at my folks house, my dad went and bought them a slip and slide, and we had acquired a kiddie pool as well, so that was fun. We also took an afternoon to spend at a local playscape, and got KFC as a picnic.

The trip was not without it's mishaps though: while spending an afternoon with our friends, the Aldermans, Isaac stuck a small button up his nose. Dala came downstairs after Isaac had napped in her room with one of those small ziploc bags that extra buttons come in saying, "I don't want to alarm you, but there was a button in here, and I can't find it." The words were no more out of her mouth when Isaac piped up with, "I put the circle in my nose, Daddy! I put the circle in my nose." With the help of a flashlight, we did find it, and after showing Isaac how to blow a "snot rocket" (you cringe, but I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't know what I mean!), out it came on the first try! Yippe for not having to visit the emergency room while on vacation! For those of you counting, the the last seven months, Isaac has swallowed a quarter, chipped a tooth, and put a button up his nose. Also, while getting ice cream, Lydia did a nose dive off a picnic table onto a cement slab and put a beautiful road rash on her forehead. I'll try to get a picture of that later!

Simon is doing well, and hasn't hurt himself in anyway, but I'm going to post his story seperately, as he's growing like a weed.

Changes, changes

2008-07-09T20:51:00.005-04:00

You ever feel stuck? Stuck where you are, stagnant, unable to move, or unmotivated to? I've felt like that for a while. I've felt like that in my spiritual walk, in my role as a mother, in my role as a wife. Like everything is tedious and the same...everyday...but I'm at a loss (or too lazy) to make the changes I know should happen. Don't get me wrong, I know how blessed I am. I know that there are many things for me to be thankful for. I know these things...and yet. I'm stuck.

The paradox with my personality is that I need change. I crave it. I flourish when there is regular change in my life, it keeps me fresh. And when there isn't, I become lazy and unmotivated, and not producing any change on my own. You see the vicious cycle?

Recently, the Lord has thrown a few changes my way that were unexpected, and yet not entirely unwanted. I got pregnant with a third child, just when I was accepting the idea of only two. We left our former church, for many reasons, and have recently found a much better fit for us. I feel like I'm getting true, good, deep Bible teaching for the first time in nearly a year. My third child came five weeks early, before we'd even come close to being prepared for him, and with his earliness have come some preemie-type obstacles that throw wrenches in my plans.

Since Simon was born, I get the feeling that the Lord is showing me what true tedium is, as the better part of my life has been consumed with Simon and his care. I haven't been getting much time with Isaac and Lydia, which is making me very much appreciate all the time I used to have with them, and all the time I will have with them once Terry is back to school. I also haven't been getting much sleep, which I dearly love and miss, and so I'm being forced from the laziness that so easily takes over with me.

And my love for Terry is growing tremendously, as I watch with appreciation as he has taken over care and "management" of Isaac and Lyddie, along with preparing all the meals. He is a cut above what most men in this world are.

And so, as I move through this season of my life, I'm looking forward to being able to once again take over all the tasks that seemed so tedious and mundane before. I'm looking forward to taking care of the house and spending time with my kids. I'm looking forward to preparing meals and fighting the never-ending battle that is keeping our kitchen clean. I'm also anticipating making changes to my person. In the fall we'll be joining the YMCA, which has free child care for members (YAY!), and so I'm looking forward to getting back in shape, and having more energy and a better self image.

In short, I think I'm looking forward to being a better steward to all that the Lord has blessed me with, and I'm trying to start making some of those changes now.

Growing fast

2008-07-02T14:59:00.002-04:00

Well, true to form, Simon has gained 2 full pounds in ten days, grew a half inch, and his head grew an inch around as well. He's now at 8lb. 4 ounces, and still has two weeks before his "due date". I'm really curious to see if he follows in his big brother's footsteps.

He's eating pretty well, although he doesn't seem to like a nice normal, PREDICTABLE, three hour routine, and so still swings between 2.5 hours and 3.5 hours. I know it doesn't seem like much, it can make the night times a little intolerable.

Overall, we are doing pretty good. Terry is on duty with Isaac and Lydia while I am still mostly consumed with Simon duties. As we slowly transition away from doing bottle feedings half the time, I think it will get a little better. At least, I hope so!

New Baby

2008-06-22T14:38:00.002-04:00

Well, I finally got the pictures done for his birth announcements, created them, and ordered them. He's so tiny I can hardly believe it. I mean, FIVE POUNDS less than Isaac when we brought him home.

In other news: the kids (Isaac and Lyddie) were sick with a mystery fever on Friday and Saturday. Just high fevers and probably achy, but no other symptoms. I was a little concerned for Simon, so he got quarantined in our bedroom for a few days. I've washed my hands so much I think they might peel right off.

Otherwise, we are doing okay. I'm so thankful that Terry is home for the summer. He was going to take grad classes about an hour a way, but has opted for a less expensive (when you factor in gas and books) online route. With Simon being a preemie, albeit only by five weeks, there are feeding/nursing issues that are much more time consuming than with a full term infant.

We are still a bit in shock that we have three kids under four years old. It's better not to dwell on it. hehe.

Welcome Home!

2008-06-15T21:53:00.001-04:00

Simon came home today....YIPEE!!

I'm already exhausted.... ;)

No More Waiting

2008-06-10T13:22:00.000-04:00

Simon Benjamin was born Friday night at 9:45pm. He was born 5 weeks early, at 6lbs 8oz. He's presently staying at the Special Care Nursery at our hospital, but is doing very well. It's sort of weird to come home without the baby, but I have two others to distract me!

My water broke Friday night, just as we had gotten to the campground and were preparing to set up the tent. Luckily, it was only 15 minutes north of town, and we were able to get to the hospital quickly. My doctor came in and delivered him by c-section, due to my previous c/s.

On a sadder note, I learned early Monday morning that my OB doctor, who had just delivered Simon two nights previous, had died in his sleep of a heart attack. Had Simon not came early, Dr. Murphy wouldn't have been around to deliver him. He was a very cool man, and I liked him a lot. He delivered all of my babies and took very good care of me, we had a great relationship. The town is in mourning right now, especially the Maternity ward at the hospital and at his office. One of his partners was the man who told me the news Monday morning.

It's a weird time for me, I'm happy that Simon is doing well and healthy, but it's strange not having him here with me. I'm dealing with post-delivery hormones, fried brain, healing from a c-section, and on top of it mourning the loss of Dr. Murphy. It's a lot of emotion and I just don't feel like myself.

But, I'm trying to keep it in perspective, and my mom is here to help me. My crazy summer just got a little crazier.

Six More Weeks

2008-06-02T20:29:00.005-04:00

My belly is gigantic, I can't bend over, and my feet swell in the evening. If I can get comfortable enough to sleep at night, then the heartburn or need to pee wakes me up. Oh yeah, my legs ache at night, too, or my pelvic bone. grr. I'm measuring big, the last u/s estimated a 9-10lb. baby. Isaac and Lydia were 2 lb and 1 lb. bigger than their estimations. boo hoo. I know I'm whining....I'm entitled, I think. and if I can't moan on my own freaking blog, where can I?

However, my kids are adorable, and Isaac reminds me daily that there is a baby boy in my belly, although he cannot remember the secret name....which is probably better for us! hehe. Lydia's personality comes out more and more each day, and she's funny as heck. Isaac is becoming so much more aware of the world around him, and I love that we can have actual conversations now.

We're going camping this weekend with some friends from church, and I'm very much looking forward to it. I know, it's crazy. We bought a very nice, elevated air mattress for our gigantic tent, so I think we'll be okay. There's room for my pillow nest and my husband, so that's good!

Oh yeah, and I think I have nearly everything I need for baby #3, despite the fact that some things I was supposed to get earlier didn't work out. I just need to get out Isaac's baby stuff and wash it along with the other stuff I've bought. So, despite the third trimester aggravations, I'm doing okay. blah.

Spring Break

2008-04-28T16:13:00.001-04:00

Well, it was an interesting Spring Break to say the least. We went to Jackson and spent some time with my husband's dad and step mom. Half way through the two and a half hour drive, Isaac informs us that he feels sick. Okay. We don't always take everything he says seriously, so we continued on our way. Fifteen minutes later we had stopped at a gas station to clean up the vomit. Anyone ever tried to clean up a vomit covered car seat with nothing more than baby wipes...while pregnant? Fortunately, we had spare clothes at hand, so he didn't have to finish the trip in vomit-soaked clothing. And, thanks to the wonder that are disposable changing pads, once I got the majority of the mess cleaned up, I was able to line his seat in those.

He seemed fine afterwards, and that evening, so we assumed he'd gotten some bad chocolate milk in his happy meal. Two days later, the rest of the stomach flu became apparent, and then Lydia got, too. By Monday night the kids seemed better, and we had some guests visit. Then Isaac did a face plant on the laminent floor and chipped his font tooth (blog post about the dentist visit will come another time!). He recovered quickly enough from that. I think it was Tuesday night that Lydia's stomach flu resurfaced and she had diarrhea while we were bathing her AND Isaac. Nothing like hearing Isaac bellow, "Lydia pooped! Daddy! Lydia pooped!" Now I know that netted bath toys have more than one use. Ick Ick Ick.

Isaac's later commentary on the situation: "Daddy, I don't like to take a bath with the pooping!"

Terry and I actually went out to a local bar that night to see a former colleague of mine who is the lead singer of a pretty good band when he's not teaching English at a local high school. It was fun to see him perform again, but I tell you, it was torture to not have a drink that night! If ever there was a night that I needed a drink, that was it!

And then Wednesday, our last full day there...Terry and I both got the stomach flu. Not as bad as the kids, but we both spent the afternoon feeling pretty horrible. When we got up the next morning, we discovered that we were not the only victims. Terry's step-mom had been up all night (sorry Sue!) with it, and her with a recently-operated-on-shoulder. blech.

We did have some fun times, and the kids did get to play out side and enjoy actual spring weather during Spring Break, which is often unheard of in Michigan. But like I said, it was interesting, to say the least, though.

Digging the Dress-up

2008-04-16T09:45:00.000-04:00

Well, Isaac's new interest is dress-up. He loves having helmets on and we've been looking for a play one that would fit him. This fireman's helmet just barely did, but it came with cool accessories which he really likes. Not long ago, with some Easter money, we bought him a knight's mask and sword set, I didn't see his face for a whole day. I have a partial pirate's costumen, and I'm thinking about making him a knight costume, too. He seems to like the accessories, namely masks and helmets, as much as an actual costume, so that make sit easy. Of course, when the mood strikes him, he insists that it strike Lydia as well, so she get's to dress up, too. We don't have quite the selection for her yet, though. Although she does like the necklaces and sunglasses!

In preggo news: I saw my doctor on Monday. My stomach has grown a whopping 7 cm in one month! At 27.5 weeks, I'm now measuring over 29cm (it should be 1 cm for each week of pregnancy, approx.) After three months of not gaining any weight, I've gained 6 lb. I'm still far below what I gained even for Lydia, so I'm okay with that. Also, the c-section has been scheduled for July 7th, so let the countdown begin!

Presenting.....Elton John!

2008-04-03T22:58:00.001-04:00

Presenting.....Elton John!
Originally uploaded by Redhead Mommy.

Well, Lydia's been fascinated with sunglasses lately, so we picked her up a pair. She's also been really into the beaded necklaces that came with a pirate set (treasure) of Isaac's, along with shoes....clothing....yep, she's a freaking girly-girl. Don't tell me God doesn't have a wicked sense of humor.

Anyway, she wanted to wear the beads when we went out running errands, which included a trip to Toys R Us to exchange some shoes, where we picked up the shades...and with her fur-trimmed hood... and lack of hair....she just reminded me of Elton John circa 1970-something.

Peace

2008-03-27T11:15:00.002-04:00

As I sit here, everything is quiet. Both kids are happily entranced with a Baby Einstein video. The dog is laying peacefully under my feet. Did I say DOG? Yes, we are the TEMPORARY keepers of a female shepherd puppy, who jumped into our van last night as we were getting the kids out after church. She has a collar, but no tags. We have no idea where she came from, but she's here for right now. Neither of us are ready for a dog right now, although I'd like one maybe after baby #3 is a year old. We did all the usual stuff, put signs up, called animal control and the Humane Society. We're applying our Dog Whisperer knowledge, and she's doing pretty good. She's not house broken, but she shows some hope. This is the second dog we've found in two months. The first one ended up belonging to the folks across the street, though.

Like I said, I really am not ready for a dog right now, but it still feels nice to have one in the house again. I grew up with dogs, and it's been a while. It's nice to see how the kids are around her: not overly excited and very gentle, willing to give her space. She's equally good with the kids, which is nice. Our cats....well, they're a little pissed with us right now...hehe. "First the children, now a DOG?!!!" They'll get over it. Hopefully, she won't be here so long that it makes much of a difference!

Adobe Illiterate

2008-03-19T14:35:00.004-04:00

Hmph. I downloaded Adobe Photo Elements...the free trial. I was so looking forward to all the cool things I knew I could do with this program. I thought if I could show my dear husband how many cool things I could do, we could purchase it.

Hmph. Is it me, or is Adobe just incredibly difficult to operate?? There was no "Adobe Elements for Idiots" included with the download, and I've barely figured out how to turn a photo black & white. Really, I need more to show the husband. Superior red-eye elimination does not cut it.

I know someone (Undercover Mutha, I'm looking at YOU!) must know how to operate this blasted program. Please help....please.

Bah illness

2008-02-28T08:39:00.002-05:00

I'm getting over my second wretched illness of this month, this one with a 101 temp and a chest cough that makes me want to scream for mercy. The worst of it only seemed to last 24 hours, but I still have the vicious cough and chest pain today. And of course, my asthma takes that as an open invitation... maybe March will be better for me?

Maybe once I feel normal again I'll get a real post going...bah.

It's a Boy!

2008-02-20T20:49:00.000-05:00

This is a 3-D picture of the little guy. He is facing to the right, with his left hand up near his left cheek. Everything looked good and he was pretty cooperative with the technician.

We have it too

2008-02-05T17:04:00.000-05:00

You know, The Cold, as it's come to be known around here. Isaac is on breathing treatments, which wind him up like a top. Lydia is grumpy, snotty, and getting the chest cough. I'm pregnant, underslept, and slightly ill myself. Good times. This thing, we've been fighting it for two weeks now. It comes on as the average cold: drippy nose, a bit of a temperature, crankiness and no appetite. Then it seems to get better....then it RETURNS. With a drippier nose, and a lovely cough that settles into the chest and produces wheezing and rattling in the chest. Yep, good stuff.

Self Expression

2008-01-18T09:08:00.000-05:00

Isaac has become much more able with his speach and communication lately. He's using complete sentences, and putting his own thoughts into them. It's all kind of happened in the last month that we've seen this language explosion, and it's pretty cool to watch. One of the new things he's been doing, besides parroting us constantly, is to identify the object that has made noise. For instance, he was coughing yesterday morning and he said, "That was me, that was my mouth." I sneezed this morning and it was, "That was your nose, Momma. Bless you!" Well, along those lines, we were cuddled up together on the couch the other day when he let loose some gas (don't you all just say farted??), and I said, "Hey, I heard that!" (I'm trying to instill the 'excuse me' reflex), and he said, "Oh, that was me, that was my butt." I'm sorry, but that just cracks me up!! He also likes to say, "Luna (one of our cats)has something on her! It's her butt!" Everytime he says butt, I start laughing...I cannot help myself.

Baby butts

2008-01-10T13:52:00.000-05:00

I'm sure one day she'll insist that it was me posting this picture that ruined her life, but I think of it as early collection on all the worrying she'll cause me as a teenager! Besides, it madeyou laugh, right?

In other news, I'm 14 weeks pregnant today. I swear I'm huger (I know, not a word, but really there's no better description!) than I've ever been at this point. I'm already feeling whalish. Tell me again why some women just LOVE pregnancy? I go in for all the various testing in two weeks, then not long after that is the half-way ultrasound, where hopefully we'll be able to tell whether we'll be putting bunk beds in Lydia or Isaac's room. Either way, the baby will be roomies with Lyddie for a little while, easier to contain, since she's still in a crib herself.

In about a month, I get to go scrapbooking up North at Higgins lake with some close friends of mine! I CANNOT wait!! It's been so long since I scrapbooked, I'm wondering if I remember how to use scissors! That also means some shopping for scrapbook related stuffs...hello Hobby Lobby...HERE I COME!!

Congrats to my friend

2008-01-04T09:01:00.001-05:00

A good friend of mine, whom I used to work with, has recently (with his wife) experienced the birth of twin boys that they are adopting. I am so touched by this, they have waited so long for this, that I wanted you to see how sweet he looks with one of his new sons.

Good News that's worth more than the quarter it came as.

2007-12-20T15:42:00.000-05:00

About two and a half weeks ago (December 3rd), Isaac came downstairs to say,
"Momma, the coin was in my mouth. Where'd it go?"
To which I replied with barely controlled panic, "What?! What do you mean? Did you swallow a coin?"
"Uhh....yup!"
"Which one did it look like?" As I spread out several different coins.
"That one." (The quarter)
"Are you sure, maybe it was this one (the dime, I know, wishful thinking.)"
"Uhh...nope!"

At this point, I was incredulous. I mean, really, a QUARTER? He was so relaxed, so nonchalant about it. Maybe he was just pretending? He made it sound as if a magic trick had occurred (poof! Where'd it go?!). If anything, surely only a dime or a penny. But Terry and I were still skeptical as to if it had even happened. Until the next day.

Isaac started talking about the disappearing coin again, all on his own. For him, this means it probably actually happened. As a rule, he doesn't reminicse about pretendings. At this point, I still thought it was a penny, which is what I said when I called the doctor to schedule an x-ray.

The next day, when the tech showed me the x-ray, my first words went something like, "THAT'S NOT A PENNY, THAT'S A QUARTER!!"

At that point, it was in his stomach, but looked ready to enter the small intestine...a good sign.

A week later, it looked like it was still in his stomach, but on the opposite side and higher up. Not a good sign.

So, Terry took him to the local ER, where they said it should be removed, but to have a pediatric GI procedure done, they would need to go down to Macomb (outside Detroit) to Children's Hospital. So, they made the trip down, where they took two more x-rays, one being from the side, (4 total at this point) and after several experts had examined the pictures, determined that the quarter was in his colon, but had a backward looping colon. This means that instead of his colon looping below his stomach, it loops behind it, which explained the odd second X-ray. They sent them home with directions to wait 3-5 days and have it checked again.

So we did...and still no appearance of the quarter. So off to another x-ray, where it STILL looked like it was in his stomach, but they wouldn't do a lateral (side) x-ray to see if it was in his stomach or not.

After seeing that, our pediatrician, bless her heart, called THREE different hospitals, talked to THREE different specialists, all of whom said that the standard would be to wait three to four weeks TOTAL...which would put us smack between Christmas and New Year. Need I explain how happy THAT made me?

So, today (that would be SEVENTEEN DAYS) after the quarter was swallowed, I called our pediatrician to say that we needed another x-ray.

THEN, later on today....it arrived!!! I'll spare you the nastiness of details. Suffice to say, thank God for long kitchen gloves and anti-bacterial soap!

So, the quarter, turned quite black from the the stomach acids, has been properly washed AND boiled...

What would YOU do with it?

Festival of Trees

2007-12-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

Every year a local hockey arena host The Festival of Trees, which benefits our hospital. Groups around town decorate trees and donate them, and then you can buy raffle tickets to put into the boxes of each tree in hopes of winning one. They have childrens activities and Santa is there (see previous post). Isaac loved the reindeer and chased him around the room most of the time, but he also did a gig with the clown and got to know the talking Christmas tree. There was a story time....and that was when it all went horribly wrong. He would not sit still and listen, and in the picture in the bottom right, he is making his way up to the microphone, where he interrupted and talked into it. It was a moment of great pride....sigh. Not long after that, after I'd gone to sit with him, I physically removed him from story time, because he was rolling about the stage and talking. A child's screams echo with horrible resonance in a hockey arena.

Santa

2007-12-08T18:12:00.000-05:00

It's just amazing that I got them both facing the camera....Merry Christmas!

Another one coming....

2007-11-29T12:50:00.000-05:00

Well, more specifically, another baby coming. This one was not on our agendas, but we are happy and excited all the same. I wish I could get more excited about the pregnancy part of it...but truth be told, I'm not a good pregnant lady. the due date is July 12th, but this being a third c-section, it will probably be early July. Yeah, I miss the hottest part of summer for once!

Happiness

2007-11-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

I realized that I haven't been posting much, but the kids are changing so much that I need to get on the ball here. Isaac's language and understanding is growing by leaps and bounds, which seems to cut down some on the temper tantrums. Lydia's been cruising around the furniture for a couple weeks now, and she'll walk if you hold her hands. Isaac really likes his sister, and most of the time he amuses her, even if I think he's being a little rough. This last year or so of Lydia's life seems to have gone so much faster than the first year with Isaac. I imagine the time will only continue to speed up, which makes me a little sad. But, at the same time, I'm looking forward to when they are old enough to play together and can really enjoy family trips. Overall, though, I'm feeling quite blessed these days to have the family that I do. My kids and my husband are everything I'd hoped for.

Better Late Than Never

2007-11-07T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well, after a slight panic over whether Isaac would actually wear the gorgeous Buzz costume that Paw Paw and Shoop got him, after I'd run out in the same slight panic and bought him a clearly inferior Batman costume, and after realizing ($21 too late, of course) that it wasn't the actual costume but the fact that he really doesn't care for costumes but once he realized he'd get CANDY if he dressed up in the stupid freaking costume he'd do it WILLINGLY....well, after all that, a happy Halloween was had by all. He was a little overwhelmed by all the excitement, and at one point actually wandered into someone's back yard, but overall, very good. We only went around one block, but it was plenty for all of us, even Maggie, the fairy princess, whom we went with. Lydia refused to ride in the wagon after this picture was taken, and she was a very unhappy ladybug when I tried to insist.....like I said, a block was plenty! Even better, the next day he seemed to forget about the candy, and/or only was interested in the suckers. yipee!

Bringing Up Isaac

2007-09-05T09:51:00.000-04:00

Before I had kids (BIHD), I had many ideas about how things would go when I was a parent. I believed that if parents had clear expectations and were consistent, the children would fall into place and be model citizens. It worked great until Isaac was about 18 months old...then it happened. He became aware of his own wants and desires. It has been a struggle for me ever since. Phrases that I used to dismiss as excuses now apply to my son: "All boy." "High energy." Never let anyone tell you that God doesn't have a sense of humor, albeit a twisted one.

I can clearly remember while on vacation one summer, I saw a toddler-age boy walking around Mackinaw City with his parents. Without warning, he suddenly jumped into a nearby puddle left by the recent rain. His parents had no time to react other than to prevent him from doing it again. The words "...such a boy..." drifted to us as we passed by. I remember thinking something along the lines of, "Just because he's a boy doesn't mean you let him get away with bad behavior." How little I knew. I would never have dreamed that one day I'd be taking a picture like this and stating that I view my job as one where I kept him from truly hurting himself in his adventures. That would be the kind of permissiveness that would lead to a wild child. My idea of what qualifies as "permissive" has changed, but not easily.

A war has been raging inside of me. It's a battle that isn't quite finished, but nearly. The opposing sides are my expectations before Isaac and my reality with Isaac. I have these expectations of a child who instinctively knows what is his to touch and what isn't chooses correctly; a child who will sit quietly and play with the same toy for a half hour; a child who sees what his peers are doing and follows their lead. My reality does not equal my expectations. For several months now, this war has been fought, and it has not been pleasant. It was getting to the point that I was so disappointed all the time that I started doubting myself and getting resentful towards Isaac. I was getting after him all the time, frustrated and angry. I no longer enjoyed my little boy, and it was breaking my heart. My boy, who I loved so much at first sight, who I'd felt I'd known forever the moment I saw him. In my effort to mold my child into my own expectations, I was beginning to damage what God had given me.

Terry tried to tell me to "let up on the leash" a little...but I was convinced that I had to be more strict, more controlling, more consistent. The more I pressed, the harder he fought, so that even something so simple as a trip to the bathroom became a power struggle. It was wearing me out. The mental fatigue was more than I could stand. And like I said, I just didn't like being a parent.

And so, I started looking for other opinions. I looked to our children's ministry leader, who said he was a typical boy. I talked to friends who are good mothers and who have many more children than I do, they said let go a little, he's fine. I talked to parents of boys like Isaac. One, my former pastor's wife, has two sons my age. The younger was like Isaac. Jeanette had differing expectations too. She said at one point her husband said, "Enough. You don't correct him anymore, he's mine." I totally understood. I think that's when my reality started to win over my expectations.

Do I mean that I'm not going to correct him anymore? Nope. Does that mean I'm going to let him "run wild"? Not a chance. He's curious and energetic and I cannot stop him from being so, nor do I want to. I'm going to let up on the leash, a little at a time. I'm going to start enjoying those attributes that have been giving me a headache lately. And when the time comes for correction...like his insistence in harassing family pets, or getting out of bed at night...then I will discipline in the most realistic and loving way I can. I am not, however, going to keep trying to mold him into what I think he should be. That's not my job. My job is to take this gift that God has given me and help him to become the best man he can be.

Isaac turned three over a week ago. My little guy won't be little much longer. It's been pretty rocky between us lately. I'm sure that there will be more bumps along the way. But after some attitude adjustments on my part, there is joy between us again.

Up North

2007-08-23T10:07:00.000-04:00

We spend a week camping in Northern Michigan every August with some close friends of ours that we don't see much anymore. We bought a new enormous tent this year that really worked well. That, along with the fact that we had a dorm fridge running inside it made the trip very nice. S

We spent some time in Mackinaw City, but that evening wasn't fun....bad time of day for the kids, so we ended up going back on Friday to actually have some fun. Isaac looks sweet and serene here....looks can be fooling. He was into everything, and picture taking, as you will see, were a challenge. But, no matter the frustration he brings, I love that little man, and he's making me the best parent I can be.

Lydia had her own place in foiling our plans of fun. This was how she looked throughout most of the evening, including dinner. I think she was experiencing some intestinal discomfort, since she's never like that.

Oh yes, the family picture. Isaac was talked into sitting still, Lydia had just stopped screaming, and Terry and I were barely holding it together. I'm so glad we went back on Friday and made some good memories, it was worth the extra drive.

At a loss for words

2007-08-07T20:10:00.000-04:00

I know I blogged already today, but I'd forgotten I'd gotten photographic proof of this monstrosity. I mean, what ISN'T offensive about this?

On the Move

2007-08-07T14:04:00.000-04:00

I honestly didn't think Lydia would crawl. I thought she was going straight to walking. My mom says that kids will always make a liar out of you...she's right. It now appears that Lydia is realizing that she doesn't have to sit all the time. She can get from sitting to stomach and scoots herself around in a sort of circular-backwards direction. As she tries in vain to reach out for something as she's moving away from it, it's obvious that this is the exact opposite from what she intends to do. But at least she's moving a bit, right?

Isaac is clearly as fearless as always. What I'm not showing you here is the very steep bridge that posed a bit of a problem, but no one was hurt...he just jumped off at the bottom. His only area of caution seems to be pools. We took them both to a public pool last night. He clung to me like a monkey, nearly wrapped around my head, while we waded around in the shallow end of the kiddy pool, which is only 2.5 ft. deep. He could easily touch bottom with his head above the water, but it took a good twenty minutes to convince him of that and to unwrap his limbs from my head. Once he got used to the water, he was okay. He doesn't show the same fear in ponds and lakes where he can wade in. I wish he did, just a little. As it is, we'll be taking a life-vest with us camping next week.

27 Hours Later

2007-07-22T03:34:00.000-04:00

Well, I finished the last Harry Potter installment. It's good. I cried, but not as much as I might have. I'm glad she put the epilogue on the end. And yes, I am a nerd. I do not care. I love those books, and anyone who has "problems" with them should read one or all for themselves.

Now I'm going to sleep. I have church in the morning, and its our turn in toddler nursery. goodnight.

Our week in review

2007-07-12T19:49:00.000-04:00

We went and visited relatives last week. Here is our week, in review:

Isaac spent nearly the entire day in the chicken hat. We started calling him "Chicken Head". He would run circles in the house and every once in a while call out, "Bawk!"
We visited with Terry's family and saw Isaac and Lydia's cousin, Cecilia. She's three months younger than Lyddie but nearly the same size!
We went to the zoo, which somehow proved to be more exhausting for us than for the kids! Isaac had fun feeding the giraffes, but was a little leary of their tongues!
We spent a lot of time with various relatives, although we still didn't get to see everyone. I'm thinking another trip is in order! Here's Isaac hanging out with "Achelle" at the creek at Grammy and Grampy's house.

All in all it was pretty fun, but we felt like we were going constantly, and like I said, we still didn't see everyone we wanted to. Maybe next time.

The plot agaist me.

2007-07-10T18:49:00.000-04:00

I went to do a little grocery shopping today. I've been going to the super Wal-Mart (or, as we call it, the evil empire) when I have both kids with me, because everything is in one spot. But, I thought I'd try Meijer today. They're Michigan owned, and the new super Wal-Mart is right next door, so I feel a little sorry for them.

They USED to have carts with the kiddy caddy on the front, where you can park a couple children, instead of just one. Well, I couldn't find one anywhere, and with a toddler who will not sit quietly in the cargo area of a cart, I thought it wise to at least ask around. Apparently, they only have TWO (this is a store the size of a super Wal-Mart, for those not of this area), and neither had been seen all day. So, I pointed out to the greeters that this would be a reason that I would go to Wal-Mart instead of Meijer. I did not say it rudely, I just stated a fact. I figured they might want to know how to keep people shopping there instead of at their competition. One greeter was so gracious as to tell me that I could shop where ever I wanted.

Anyway....the rest of the shopping trip went downward from there. Including missing several items that I intended to get but didn't because I was too worried that Isaac was mashing the bananas or opening the strawberries. Punctuated with a flash storm out of now where as I left the building. It was lightly raining, I thought I could get the kids to the car in time. Half way there the heavens opened in a deluge complete with whipping winds that conspired to whisk my cart away at least five times while I'm throwing (not really!) small, drenched, crying children into the van and trying not to mash the bread at the same time. The wind was so strong that it actually pulled things from my van that I then had to retrieve (and wring out).

By the time I got all needed things/persons into the van we were ALL soaked to the skin. Luckily, in the mess that is the inside of my van, there were two blankets to be had, so the kids didn't get chilled.

Every feel like there is a plot against you?

Family Resemblence

2007-06-21T09:58:00.000-04:00

Most people think Lydia looks a lot like me. Every once in a while, the resemblence hits me. Like when I looked at these two pictures. The first is of me, the other of Lydia.

I have some pictures showing the similarities between Isaac and Terry, too. I'll have to dig them out.

Why is this taking so long...

2007-06-19T19:11:00.000-04:00

The ticker, it mocks me. The Harry Potter ticker...the one I've so cleverly placed in my left-hand column...the one that I check every time I'm online....ugh. I just finished re-reading all of the previous Harry Potter books....I cried my eyes out when Dumbledore died...even though I'm not convinced he did, because of this. And I'm fretting about whether Harry may be the last Horcrux, and would be horrified and angry if he is. I'm going to be thinking about it constantly for the next 31 days...well..not quite that long, as I will be one of the nerds going out at midnight to Meijer to get my book. I long ago discovered that going to the big chains is a waste of time. At Meijer, you can walk in, get your book, walk out....very little halabaloo...which is how I like it.

Anyway...yes, I'm a giant nerd because I have been hooked on the HP books for quite a while now....got a problem with that?

Father's Day

2007-06-17T18:25:00.001-04:00

When it was Mother's Day, our church did the whole sermon about women, passed out little gifts for mothers, it was nice. For Father's Day, there was a nice prayer said. Now, I'm not saying that moms don't do a lot. I know we do. But you know, my husband is an exceptional father. He takes time to play with Isaac and Lyddie, even when he's completely worn out and just wants to sit. He genuinely enjoys his family. I know I can leave the house and the children are well cared for.

I also know that there are many MANY men out there who are not good fathers. I know they put the whole responsibility of child care on the wives, paying attention to only their own needs.

In this day and age, good fathers are few and far between. As our pastor said today, men live in a culture that wants to keep them from being leaders, keep them from being confident, keep them from being responsible. Look at TV, when was the last time you saw a sitcom that had a dad that wasn't a moron?

My point (and I do have one!) is that we should celebrate our fathers like we do mothers. Because the ones who really do an excellent job, often don't get much credit for it.