Thursday, September 01, 2005

Thought this was funny!

"Thanks to All of You" for the Email warnings.

I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send
me your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on
their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
be poked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my
every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
is dying in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor!

If you don't forward this to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM (EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of
my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician!

And if you believe half the stuff that goes around online by email,
you're not half as smart as you think you are!

God bless everyone who read this entire email whether they have
forwarded it to all those on their email mailing list or not.

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