Monday, April 26, 2010

Boredom, Fear, and Stickiness

I haven't been posting a lot lately, and I often wonder what the reason or reasons are for this. I've come up with several possibilities.  It might be because, since Simon was born, I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above the parental water,often finding that when I do get some quiet time, I don't want to think about parenting anymore, but just nap, or veg in front of the TV, or read some fluff like Twilight.  Then there is the truth that I am my own worst parental critic, and so I don't dare be "real" because then EVERYONE will know how often I don't handle this topsy-turvey motherhood job with grace and calm. And I can't forget my secret fear that nothing I say about my mundane life is interesting, or the annoying fact that our keyboard has suddenly stopped wanting me to use the space key, causing me to back up constantly and re-punch the stupid thing.  Add to this the nagging apprehension about offending someone I know who reads this, and that in the last month, ALL THREE of our children have needed to see specialists outside their normal pediatrician, and that we are in the process of switching pediatricians if I can just get up enough gumption to actually make the switch because I hate the idea of offending can see my issues.  But not all of them, because that's kind of scary, too. Oh, yes, AND I've become a Pampered Chef consultant recently, and my only "office time" is during nap time, when I'm supposed to get everything else done. sigh.

I miss writing though, and although this completely aggravating space key is conspiring to send me over the edge, it just feels good to write again.

And so, I'm going to try to stretch myself, and battle against ALL the reasons I listed, which might make things a little sticky at first, as am aiming to be more open and honest about what's going on inside my crazy head. And, if nothing else, I can be a beacon of hope for some mom who can think, "Yeesh, at least I'm not THAT bad!" when she reads my blog.

The end.

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