I sat here for a few moments, trying to think of a word that describes the last year for me. I couldn't come up with anything, other than I'm glad it's over. I feel as if I've lived a life time in the past year. From finding out about my mom's cancer at the start of the year, to the numerous treks back and forth across the state during her illness, and her subsequent passing and funeral, plus the added complication of me severely breaking my foot, needing surgery and Terry shopping for another vehicle for us (and yes, it was ALL at the same time!) It's been difficult, to say the least.
Although this year has been marked by both pain, suffering, and loss, I would be remiss if I didn't in some small way celebrate the fact that Terry and I have been married for ten years now, we are happy, and are looking forward to many, many more. That's something these days, and I'm proud of us. Our anniversary this year fell between the time that my foot was broken, my mom passed away, and her funeral. Obviously not much celebrating can be done when you are in a wheelchair at a funeral home, but we took the time to share a few moments, nonetheless. We've had our high times and our low times, grown stronger with them. I definitely couldn't have made it through this past year without Terry. He is....amazing. While I dealt with physical and emotional pain and loss, he got the double experience of being a "single" parent plus taking care of an invalid. He handled it a hundred times better than I could, I know that much.
Obviously, my mom's passing has left a hole. I miss her, much more intensely some days than others, but always. However, I have noticed some positive things happening that probably wouldn't have otherwise. Our family seems closer, more affectionate with each other. It's hard to put a finger on what specifically is different, but it's better. We seem to be reaching out towards each other more. My dad has been amazingly honest with me about how he's doing, which I'm thankful for. When other people could easily withdraw, he has purposefully looked for ways to get out and DO things. I'm proud of him, although he'd probably not think he's doing anything special-that's how he is.
The broken foot.....well. I am a firm believer that God has a plan for my life, and that everything happens within His plan. I hope to one day know what the point of me severely breaking my foot and needing/having surgery while at the same time dealing with the loss of my mom was. I'd really like to know that one, really. Rehabilitation was a pretty good distraction from the grief....but not THAT good a distraction! Certainly a good book would have been just as effective an much less painful. ;)
And around and through it all, there is my mom. Christmas was better than I expected. We stuck together, we enjoyed our time with one another, which is what my mom would have wanted, I think. My kids talk about her pretty often, especially Isaac and Lydia. It's hard to talk with them sometimes, but I'm glad they do, and I want them to continue.
This last picture is the favorite of us kids. It's from her camera phone, she was trying to figure out how it worked, and never knew she'd taken a couple pictures of herself. One day when I was cleaning out her phone for her, I discovered it, and sent it to myself, of course! I then sent it to my sister, my brother, my husband, my nephew. We all used it for her photo in our contacts. It came up every time she called. It was a perfect example of her relationship with technology. She never knew about it. It's still makes us laugh, even when we are missing her.
I have new hopes for 2011. I have goals to accomplish, both personal and professional. The wound is still too tender, though, for me to be excited. I'm happy, though, and that's something. I'm still in love with my husband, I value the people in my life, and love them. Life is good.