I'm not sure about anyone else, but my brain tends to be a bit like a rottweiler at times. It clamps down on something, and it doesn't let go until it's good and ready. Recently, the topic locked into my mind is this: in trying to make a fresh start and a new beginning, is it wise to begin with a choice that poses an immediate hurdle to overcome? Especially, a hurdle that doesn't necessarily need to be there when there are other obstacles and issues that really must be dealt with in order to proceed in the way needed. It is a hurdle that has huge potential to be a spiritual stumbling block for many people.
I know, I know, I'm speaking in code. There is a reason. The issue at hand is sensitive, and deals with a great number of people whom I don't want to hurt or offend in talking openly about this. However, one of the reasons I haven't been good about writing is that I always want to write about things that impact other people. So, this is my happy medium.
I think it is a natural tendency of humans to seek out what is known and what is comfortable when we are feeling down and out. I get that. We tend to get nostalgic, thinking back to good times. We want to go back there and feel that assurance. We may even gloss over real concerns and problems from a past situation, only remembering the good.
When trying to move beyond past hurts and disappointments, is it the best for us to go back? In some ways, yes, it's necessary to revisit past wounds, to reconcile differences, to forgive and move on. It's absolutely essential to do that if you want to proceed in a healthy way. However, in the process of doing these things, is it obligatory to then put yourself in a similar situation to what caused the original wound? Is that really required in order to forgive? Is that what is good for us? Is that God's BEST for us?
Personally, I'm praying for God's BEST for us, not what is good enough, or comfortable, or familiar, or what gives us a warm-fuzzy feeling. I deeply believe that adding a needless hurdle to the healing process isn't wise. I also feel that not giving people an invitation to speak openly, and without judgement, is begging for trouble later on. Sitting back and waiting for someone to come to you will only yield a partial truth at best, especially, when many of those people who are still hurting are also fearful of speaking out.
If we want God's BEST for us, if we want healing, if we want to be able to move forward in health, then we MUST consider the consequences of alienating people who are already wounded. We cannot push through ideas just because they are what we would like the most. Dale Carnegie is quoted as saying, "Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still."
Reconciliation, forgiveness, grace-all good and necessary things. However, if we have never dealt with root issues, if we have no vision of the direction we want to go, or a purpose for doing it, setting ourselves back into a past situation in the name of forgiveness will not solve problems. It will, on the other hand, set the stage for going in the exact same direction we went formerly.
Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do is to realize that we we need help. At times, it is a good and healthy thing to seek an outside, neutral, objective viewpoint and direction to find God's BEST. Something that's been broken for so long does not spontaneously fix itself.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize...Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. (emphasis mine)
1 Corinthians 9:24,26